Unpoured Potential: Reclaiming Your Power by Drinking Less with Lauree Arnold

 Welcome everyone. I’m so excited about today’s episode. I know so many of you are gonna get so much out of this because I know that I have personally shared a bit about my journey of. Letting go of alcohol and stopping drinking. And today I wanted to bring on an expert coach who actually specifically coaches on this.

And not only is she an expert coach, but she is an amazing human being who also happens to have been a client of mine for several years now, was my student way back in the day. And she is brilliant. I have the amazing Laurie Arnold on today, and she is a. Stop over drinking Self-Mastery Coach, who also is the founder of UN Poured Potential.

So welcome Laurie, if you could just introduce yourself. I’m so excited to have

Oh my goodness. I’m like shaking ’cause it does feel like full circle. Uh, yes. My name is Lori and I am a stopover drinking coach. Self-mastery. I feel like I’m one of everything. I feel like I should have tattoos all the way up my arms about what I actually do. It’s been a big, it’s been a big five years, right?

It’s just deep healing work.

It’s.

Anything that’ll get you there.

Oh my goodness. All the healing. Um, and yes, I am a, um, I really want to help people, you know, smart, savvy women who know they’re meant for more, but they kind of just get themselves stuck in these little, these little cycles, these little runs of self sabotage and really just to help them heal their relationship with alcohol versus just quitting.

And, um, just really reclaim, you know, this energy, this beautiful, grounded energy that we have. All this, so this intuition, this beautiful clarity that. Um, we kind of just, I don’t know, cover over a little bit, kind of hide our brilliance and really just to help them get their confidence back. I think most of the time when alcohol is involved, we use it to kind of get that confidence and, uh, yeah.

Sometimes without it we wonder who we are. So that’s what I wanna do.

I can absolutely relate to that a hundred percent. Yeah. I’d love actually to hear more about your story and kinda your journey that led you to stop over drinking and ultimately to create un poured potential.

Oh my goodness. Well, my coaching journey kind of started back in 2018 when my then 14-year-old daughter was in tears about, uh, myself and her, my ex and her dad really bad mouthing each other behind our backs. So I, I thought I did a really good job at hiding my contempt for him, but clearly not so much.

But that week, I, I dropped her off to the airport to head, but head back to her dad and I came. To the car and I sat in there and I just Googled life into Spotify and, uh, stage left enter the Life Coach School podcast in Brooke Castillo. And that seven hour drive home, I just bathed in her goodness and just knew that this was what I wanted to do.

So at first I joined Self Coaching Scholars, and it was really during that time that she challenged the narrative that I had about myself. She said, this one thing take away. The one thing that you thinks, that you think makes you you and see what’s left. And basically that was, you know, where do you have an unhealthy obsession about something that really takes away from your life, but you might not have stopped really realize it.

You know, where are you buffering? Where are you blaming? Where are you showing up in alignment with your values? And you know, I really had to take a good, hard look at my relationships, my finances, my career, my relationship with my daughter. And I knew that alcohol was the one unhealthy eye obsession that I had.

Yeah. Wow. So that started it right there was the insight that it was like, okay, this is the thing that I know is not serving me. So what was that journey like? Like you gained the insight. Did you decide right away to shift that relationship? Was it an evolution? What was the journey like for you?

It wasn’t, it wasn’t something I was really willing to give up to start with, so, so it felt like someone had walked me to the cliff and at Cliff and I actually had to, I had to jump right? I had to, to really feel that fear. And I felt like this, this really was a turning point for me, and it was the first time I thought about my values because I never really questioned who I was, and I think I was asking all the wrong questions.

Which were really just kept me stuck in that mental, uh, victim mentality. You know, why does this keep happening to me? So at first I had to work on my relationships and the story I had about my difficult childhood with my, my mum. She was single and a lot of my victim mentality kind of started there. So I had a lot of inner work that I had to do to really unravel much of that darkness and the beliefs I had at, at the beliefs I had created as truth about myself.

And so when I looked at all areas of my life, most of them were, you know, probably about a seven outta 10. But alcohol was that one thing was that, you know, that was probably sitting at that two or three and then it kind of expanded to, I had what I called the big three going on. I would drink. That would lead to smoking.

Then the next day I’d be hungover, and then I’d binge eat.

Yeah.

And so I had that pang in my gut and I, I just knew that that’s what I, what I had to look at. Seriously, I was 42. I had been smoking and drinking since I was 15. I had pretty much through my three pregnancies. I, you know, I pretty much drank and. I think most people could probably relate to this, but even when you’re sick, you get to a point where like, oh, I’ll just have a couple of glasses of wine.

I’ll be fine. I’ll just drink through it. But really, I felt, I kind of felt outta control and I wasn’t in alignment with this integrity piece of who I want wanted to be. You know, I wanted to be this life coach who lived and breathed her values, and, and it was something another coach said. It was, you know, be a product of your product.

And that’s when it just felt like I have to, I have to face the storm and I have to run into it, so, so when we got back from some traveling in 2020, I decided two things. One is that I would invest in getting certified through the life coach school. That just felt like my next evolution and that this would be the start of my journey to really discovering like who I was without alcohol.

And so that’s when my first 90 day. My first 90 days began, and ironically it actually finished with celebrating with alcohol. Like,

Oh my gosh.

yay. So my journey. And so like that’s what, you know, there’s the thought era right there, or there’s that, that cycle, that cycle, that behavior pattern. And so my journey wasn’t over. Um, and the next 18 months I would really work through my own over drinking habits. Uh, but eventually just, uh, just keep circling back, right back to where I started binge drinking, smoking, binge drinking, smoking, um, but you know, all of those things.

And then it just turns out that the student became ready for another discovery, and that’s when I decided to study advanced trauma certification with Lindsay Pullman. And she really asked me to, to work on what, you know, what’s your stickiest relationship? And I thought about my mom and I thought about alcohol and I thought about money and the stickiest relationship was me.

And so as we progressed through the training, we came to this, you know, the internal family systems part, where we had access to Kathy Kinghorn, professional therapist. And oh my God, she blew my mind. And this was really where I accessed the part of me who was. 15 years old and had felt like she’d been shut out.

And having done a lot of inner child work with my 7-year-old self, I actually didn’t realize that there was yet another voice who wanted a seat at the table. And it turned out like, you know, once I gave her that voice back, she, she wasn’t Miss South stood. She wasn’t, she did, didn’t actually want to be rebellious.

She just wanted to be loved. And because no one listened. She used drinking as a way for people to, to love her. And you know, she was a fun one. The party animal. The what? The cool one. The pretty one. The one who just wanted to be noticed. So this is really where my identity began to shift. And in 2022 November, I woke up with my heart beating outta my chest after.

It’s really fun Guns and Roses concert that we’ve been to, but I’d been drinking way too many Premus premixed drinks and um, I, you know, I woke up and the thought of being 45 and still drinking like I was 21, I woke up and just said, I am done. And so it’s been 964 days, two years.

Yes, Laurie.

Two years, seven months, 20 days.

And uh, for the best part of this, you know, it’s, I’ve learned to become this version of me, um, who, who actually, who tried so long to like, hold onto this identity and eventually became like, I just don’t have that identity of being a drinker anymore. And it’s just one of those holy shit moments.

Yes. How does that feel?

Uh, so I, it’s funny, I was actually just checking my little app, you know, 964 days, and I’m like, yeah, why do I keep, why do I keep looking at that number? Why does that number matter so much? And I think it, it is just a huge celebration of myself, just to remind myself how far I’ve come.

Yeah, huge, huge. Oh my gosh. There’s so much that like I wanna dive into within that story and that journey. It’s so beautiful. Um. I think the first piece I wanna dive into is how, you mentioned you went through 90 days initially, right? And then you celebrated with the 90 days with the drink. And I think that’s so common, not only in stopping over drinking, but any habit change.

Anything in our life that we’re trying to shift, like I think sometimes our brain expects it to be all or nothing, right? It’s like I’m either perfect at this thing or I’m failing at it. So I am wondering because. Sometimes when things like that happen, right? Where it’s like we went through a period and then we gave into it again, right?

It can be so easy to shame ourselves or beat ourselves up or to create a story. I can never do this, right? I mean, I see this all the time in coaching. I’m curious how you held that in a way in which allowed you to keep going and keep trying for it.

Hmm, just that values piece for me. It was, it was, um, and it was actually something you taught me through certification, and it’s that bridge I am learning to become. That was the most impactful part, is that. I could really lean into compassion with myself versus, you know, trying to, trying to really force myself to do it.

And even with the internal family systems, it was compassion. It was compassion and curiosity that got me through it. It wasn’t discipline, it wasn’t motivation. It, it, um, I suppose I was motivated, but it was motivated to be in alignment with my goals. It wasn’t actually about the outcome.

Yes. Oh my gosh. Amazing. So you were focused on who you wanted to become, who you were stepping into, and it was just a practice of

Yeah. And it was just, that alcohol piece was just a story, right? A, a, a story. Oh my gosh. It literally, it was truth. It was, it was like this armor that I had just created for myself. Um, and of course it just morphed into. You had, you know, 30 years of, um, basically high functioning drinking. Um, and you know, I never really identified with being an alcoholic, but, um, I suppose, you know, that’s just kind of part of the denial process is that I think it, you know, if I was, if I’d actually been to see a therapist, they probably would’ve said, girlfriend,

Yeah.

you more than likely are.

Right? Yes. Me too.

and what’s the shame in that? Where’s the, where’s? What’s the shame in that? There is no shame in that. Like you are here, you’re doing the work, you’re acknowledging it, you’re accepting who you are, all your flaws, all your glory, and you are here to do the work.

Yeah. What I also found so beautiful about your story and so fascinating is. That you had mentioned thinking about, do I wanna work in my relationship with alcohol? But then what felt more resonant was, oh no, it’s about working on my relationship with myself and. I’m so curious. I know you have a process that you take people through who want to cut back on drinking, stop over drinking.

Is that a piece of it, or can you walk us through some of the maybe things that people don’t recognize that they may need to work on or look at if they want to stop the habit, which most people think that they just need to focus on the willpower and not drinking and not picking it up. But what are some of the other things that people usually have to look at within in order to stop?

Well, I suppose like ever since you created your soulful six v, your mastermind, I’ve kind of always resonated with that word soul, and it’s like, it got me out of my head and into my body and uh, you know, I, high achiever always been in my head. Like I’m very, my, my ego just wants to drive the show. Um. And it’s, it’s not always comfortable to start with, like when you haven’t learned anything about emotions.

Like that’s not how I grew up. I didn’t grow up knowing, knowing about emotional intelligence and all this, you know, and that emotions actually drive you to act a certain way. Um, I think that that piece there was coming back into using techniques that, that brought you back to you. So that parts work was part of that process as well was, you know, one part that controls.

This part of you and the ego part, and then the other part of you that really believes something different. And that’s, that’s what I noticed for myself is that I, I couldn’t always think my way through something. It was like this complete black hole and I, I’m kind of, you know, I’m drawing across my forehead. Couldn’t always think my way through something like. It felt like there was this complete black hole, this, this space in my brain, and nothing was going to allow me to move any further until I had created some.

And what I didn’t understand was I was, my brain was looking for safety and going to that place where there was no alcohol was not safe for me. Um, and so that’s where that kind of, that trauma informed piece that, that work there, that I really wanted to lean into, you know, the healing versus quitting.

And so. Always trying to approach it through. Thought wouldn’t work, wouldn’t always work for me. So some things I could, you know, I could set a goal and, and have thought work and it would, it would work perfectly. And, but this, with this one, it just felt different. It felt very heavy. It felt very, um, I suppose you know it if you’ve done IFS work, that protective layer.

And so I thought, well, what if, what if we could approach it from bottom up? And learn to really ground into our bodies, learn to reconnect through our soul and, and not be so hard on our ego. Right? And I know that the ego is, you know, it’s always a driver of our thoughts and, but it has lots of thought errors, like thinking that letting go of alcohol is the pain versus letting alcohol, like, like letting go of alcohol is being able to actually access more pleasure.

But we just have to create the evidence of it as we go. Hence why I created what I call the sole method, and it’s all about.

Yeah.

Seeing the protector, like really meeting her and bringing herself like yourself back into your life as an ally. Um, most, you know, most women try to stop drinking by fighting the habit, but the habit can be the protector, and it’s just about building emotional safety, creating understanding versus that resistance.

And when you can see alcohol use not as a. Um, it’s, you know, it was a coping strategy. It’s not a character flaw. It’s not who we are. And I think that’s the process. Yeah. That’s the process of where we can, the healing can really start to begin is when we start to access those parts of ourselves. And then, so that’s the S part.

And then o is really about where we then bring into the mindset. So we open the mind, we look at rewiring some of the beliefs that keep us, um. That keep alcohol really tied to, tied to success, tied to stress relief, tied to connection, um, and, and to that control. I think that that control that the ego wants, and it’s not about.

You know, craving alcohol, it’s craving what it actually represents. It’s that relief, the escape, the ease, the fun. And until you really challenge that belief that alcohol gives you something you need, that desire kind of stays stuck. So it’s just about reprogramming that, you know, that mental story, that drinking is required to, to either function, to perform, or to relax and, and deconstructing those beliefs.

To be able to explore unconscious narratives, um, you know, using things like journaling, um, meditation, um, you know, all those beautiful things, EFT, tapping, all those beautiful, beautiful healing modalities.

totally.

And then.

A hundred

Yeah. And then the, the you part, so, um, is all about upgrading. So like I said, you cannot outthink your nervous system.

You cannot always think yourself through a thought. So when stress builds up in the body, um, and the only way it knows how to release, right, and that release valve often is our wine or our go-to wine or our go-to rum and coke. That was Lori’s like favorite. You’ll just end up defaulting back to to where you were.

No matter how smart you think you are, you cannot outsmart that. And so this is where you really want to bring in new sustainable stress management tools that actually actually work for high functioning women because. Remember, it’s not actually about how much we are drinking, it’s about why we are drinking.

And so really bringing in some of those breath work practices, somatic practices for, you know, those in the moment kind of urges, um, what’s going on for us, that creates the urge to drink and really starting to notice where we lean on it to, to either buffer the emotion or, um, yeah, what we are avoiding, really what we’re avoiding telling ourselves.

Yeah, it’s like coming up with, also what I’m hearing is like new strategies that can replace what we need, which is that feeling of safety or our nervous system feeling more regulated, which normally if we go to alcohol, that’s, that’s the thing. So finding new tools and techniques to replace it. So powerful.

It is, it’s just, it makes all the difference in the world. And again, it’s that, it’s that really nurturing, feminine kind of energy versus that really heavy like strategy, masculine kind of push, push, push. It’s a different, my head, I see it as a different kind of power. Um, and then the last part is the l you know, really leading, being, becoming self-led as the person you want to become.

So, I mean, lasting change is identity based. Um, you, you teach that in, you know, money manifestation about identity and who we are showing up as. And what we wanna create for ourselves is stepping into that identity as a, you know, as a 50 K coach, as a hundred K coach, as a million dollar coach. So this particular phase isn’t just about not drinking, it’s about becoming the version of you who naturally makes different choices because she’s no longer actually needing to escape her life.

Um, it’s about navigating events, you know, there’s social pressure, work culture, um, really embodying of, you know, anchoring in that new identity. Fe I, this is, I’m learning to become the person that no longer needs alcohol, to feel clear, to feel confident, to feel grounded. And this is the best version of myself, alcohol free, you know, whether it’s for 90 days or whether it’s, it’s longer term.

So this is really

Yeah.

where you learn to become her without shaming yourself into submission.

Yes,

we really get to, you know, get comfortable with deciding what feels right for our body and love our reasons for choosing who we are learning to become.

Yes. Oh my gosh. And what have you seen within yourself and within your clients have, what have you noticed the, after being? Like what? What are you surprised about as being a non drinker? Like what has that opened up for you?

I think many of my clients have actually kind of had big aha moments. Like, oh wow, I didn’t realize I had a choice.

Yeah.

didn’t realize that, that this was something I could.

Yeah. That’s huge. Wow. Yeah.

So true. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah, totally. Totally. Now it’s replaced with wine. Yeah.

Yes.

 📍  📍 Yeah,

totally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I had to do so much work around that myself when I quit drinking. And uh, now I’m just so grateful that I’ve done it. But that was challenging. That was definitely a challenge, was like, who, where do I stand with certain friendships and things and groups without this? Like, who am I?

Am I the boring friend now? I used to be the wild friend, you know, so I can completely relate to that. And it’s a reconfiguration, but on the other side, it. So much better. I’m so grateful I’ve done that work, so I’m curious. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

It just shifts. It’s so true. Yes, a hundred percent. That’s what I have noticed. I’m no longer the crazy wild one, but I am grounded. It’s shifted. It’s still good. It’s just different than it used to be.

Yeah,

totally. Yeah. Yes, us. Yeah. It was fun at 21, but it’s not fun now. You know? It’s just not cute anymore.

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah.

Awful. Yeah, that was my turning point too. I realized life is too important and too special. I don’t wanna wake up another day feeling like this. That was like a turn. I was like, ’cause you know, it started impacting me differently when I was younger. I, I could get up and just move on from the day or whatever.

I might’ve felt like crap, but it was fine. And then as I got older, I was like, no, I just can’t do this. It feels absolutely terrible and it’s not. Worth it to take a whole day out of my life. So I’d love to hear, ’cause I know you work with a lot of high achievers and high achieving women who are functioning just fine, or they seem to be.

But what would you say are some signs that alcohol might still be holding someone back? Even if their life looks good on the outside?

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Yep.

Okay. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah. That’s big.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right. Totally. And that touches on, I was wondering what are some of the most common kind of mindset blocks that stop people from taking their step in doing this work and cutting back or stopping drinking and it. You know, you definitely touched on some of ’em that I’m fine and not wanting to rock the boat, not wanting, I mean, it’s scary to do this kinda work and to dive into the unknown, especially if you’ve been drinking like since you were 15.

Same here. That’s when I started. I was young. Um, so it can be scary to be who am I without that? Right. And um, any other mindset blocks that you see that prevent people from taking that step?

Yeah. Like, no, that’s true.

Yep. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. That was mine. I’m like, who? I, I don’t know. I’m an introvert without alcohol. It’s what brings me outta my shell.

Yeah. Yeah.

Totally, a hundred percent. Mine was like, could I dance at a party without alcohol or like, not at a party, at a at a wedding. That was my thing. How am I gonna be able to dance without alcohol? I’m only good at dancing if I drink.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Uhhuh. I know, I remember this when I first quit too. I was like forcing myself to get up there and I was like, I feel weird and it’s okay. It’s, this is what dancing sober feels like. Like I had to learn to do it and now, now I can like let loose and have so much fun, but it definitely took time to like learn how to not feel completely awkward.

So, yeah, that was my first kind of bridge thought, was like, I feel awkward and it’s okay. I’m learning how to do this sober, you know, so similar. So, yes, but it, it can become fun. It’s just a practice, so it’s, yep. Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. So good. So what would be some sh mindset shifts that you would wanna offer people who are in some of those questions? Who would I be without it? Am I gonna feel awkward? Um, everyone around me drinks. What are some new perspectives that might be eye-opening for people that maybe you’ve taken on or have been thoughts that have been helpful for you?

Can you think of any?

No, you’re fine.

Yeah. Yeah. So good. Yeah,

yeah,

yeah,

yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Amazing.

Yes. Oh, say more about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Many Becomings. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. I love him.

Yep.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that so much because I just recorded, it’ll probably come out the week prior to when this one comes out, but I just recorded a podcast episode on Are All Manifestations supposed to complete and the timing of them and what’s. Fascinating about desire. Like you just said, if you didn’t actually have that a hundred K or 250 K business desire, like maybe that desire wasn’t just meant to make that manifest right away.

It was supposed to lead, you know, like. It cracked open everything for you, like you quit over drinking. You learned how to love yourself. You’ve shifted relationships in your life, and you also have blown up your career, and you’ve also created the business. Like there’s so much more that you created thanks to that desire that you kept going for, had it just manifested overnight.

You wouldn’t have done all of this. So it’s so beautiful and it is done right. So it’s like that desire is still gonna complete, but the gifts that it’s given you along the way. Oh my God. And then the other point with that is like I do believe, I know there’s that classic saying, when the student’s ready, the teacher appears, and you have the courage to say yes to the teachings right?

And say yes to receiving them. And that’s. Everything. And I feel like you are such a not, I feel like I know from the day that I met you, you are such a powerhouse. Like I’ve always felt you. I’ve always felt your energy from the first call we had in certification to now. And I know what a brilliant coach, teacher, instructor, healer you are, and I know you’re the perfect.

Support and teacher for the person who wants to let go of alcohol, and so. If you’d be open to sharing more about, you know, how you work with people, where they can find you. I just feel like that’s another full circle is like, I’m just excited to send everyone to you who wants to work on this, because the truth is like.

I just don’t believe in DIYing. This kinda stuff. This is soul work. It’s so much deeper than I just need willpower and it will change your life forever. Going after the dream of not even the dream, going after the desire to stop alcohol will open up so much for people. I know it has for me. I’ve seen your journey and um, so yeah, if you could share more about how you work with people, where they can find you.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah. Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. We’ll link that up in the show notes for sure. Definitely follow Lori. Her work is so good. She’s a brilliant coach as someone who might have certified her. I can say that, which is so fun. Oh my God. Thank you, Lori. You’re the best. I’m so happy we did this episode and I’m so grateful I had to have you.

I got to have you on.