Soft Discipline: The Gentle Approach to Structured Manifestation

Ep. 128 // Soft Discipline

[00:00:00] jamie–she-her-_2_01-07-2026_141258: Welcome back to the podcast, my friend. I’m so excited about today’s episode because as a Capricorn, I love talking about discipline and actually what makes me even more excited than just the fact that I’m a Capricorn and I do love me some discipline, is that actually think that, um, this is one of the miscon.

[00:00:24] Exceptions when it comes to manifesting, right? I think sometimes people associate manifesting with just the yin side of it, just the feminine side of it. And when I say that, I mean they think of just flow and unstructured and um, just the inner work that’s involved with it. But honestly, if you want to make.

[00:00:51] Something come to life if you wanna create, if you wanna manifest. It is so important to understand that it’s about balancing the yin and the yang. It’s about balancing the masculine and the feminine balancing. Flow with discipline, balancing creativity with structure. You have to have both in order to create, and for some people, when they first learn about some of the manifestation principles, especially coming from someone who maybe was.

[00:01:26] All structure, all masculine, push, push, push, hustle, hustle, hustle, and they’re a bit burnt out. Then they can go to the other side of trying to be all just flowy and relaxed and not taking action, waiting only for inspiration, and then not really moving forward. So it really is about finding that balance and finding the right balance for you that works.

[00:01:54] For you in terms of balancing flow with structure and discipline. So I wanna talk about soft discipline today, which I think is the happy medium. It’s about. Associating what you are creating structure and habits and action around with the identity that you’re stepping into. So when I think about manifesting, it really does take some discipline, but I like to think of it as soft discipline.

[00:02:30] Not the type of discipline that is discipline for discipline’s sake. Not it’s just about willpower or force or, um, doing something that is. Harsh, right? It’s about, this is how I would identify soft discipline. It’s about deciding who you’re becoming. Who is that highest version of you? Who are you stepping into?

[00:02:57] What is the highest, most authentic version of you and what is it that you wanna create? What are you here for? What is your soul feeling called to step? Into what fills in alignment, right? Having that vision, of course, which is also step one of the, part of the manifestation process is what do you want?

[00:03:14] Getting clear on that, creating the vision for yourself. And then soft discipline is about doing what it takes to nurture that vision, right? So it’s discipline, but the energy behind the discipline is nurture. Nurturing the vision, doing what you need to do to make that manifest, to make that come true. To learn the skills, to put the repetition in, to do what you gotta do and do have forward movement every single day.

[00:03:51] Now this is a great topic because this year energetically. In terms of the Chinese New Year, um, we are stepping into the year of the horse and that really is about momentum and structure and movement, and so this soft discipline could be really helpful. This year specifically in manifesting your dreams and your desires and your visions.

[00:04:19] So let’s talk about it. I’m gonna talk about what soft discipline is a little bit more. I’m gonna tell you a couple of thoughts and ideas and concepts that have helped me stay committed, right? Because I think where some people go wrong is that they. They, they approach habits and becoming and, um, you know, discipline from a.

[00:04:50] From an approach that isn’t serving them, that’s not sustainable, and then they see themselves as undisciplined, and that’s not the case. You are not undisciplined. You’ve maybe just been approaching it wrong, right? Or in a way that’s not serving you. So I wanna talk about some of the mindsets and ideas and concepts that have helped me really stay committed and disciplined and have stepped, helped me step into new identities completely.

[00:05:17] I’ll tell you how I’m utilizing this, this year right now and what I’m stepping into this year. And, um, my hope is just that you are going to walk away from this episode having a new relationship with discipline and, um, utilizing it in a way towards your goals and your visions that does serve you, and that makes it sustainable.

[00:05:40] Okay, so let’s dive in.

[00:05:51] So the first thing I want you to think about is your vision for this year. Think about your vision board. If you don’t have a vision board yet, please create a vision board. You have no idea how potent and powerful that is. So create a vision board if you don’t have one. But think about either your vision board or your vision for this year.

[00:06:16] What it is you are stepping into, who you’re becoming, what you are creating, what you are manifesting. I want you to think about three different areas. What are three different visions that you had for yourself? I’ll share three of mine. Three simple ones. Number. I want to keep my house clean. I’m choosing to, especially since I’ve moved into my new, beautiful dream home, I don’t want it to just be super tidy on the days that you know, someone’s coming to help out and clean up the house.

[00:06:54] I want to maintain, I’m choosing to maintain a very zen and clean. Home. That is one of my visions is just it to feel zen light, clean, tidied up. One. Another one is to have a strong and toned body. To feel radiantly healthy from the inside out and to be super strong. That’s my second one. My third one is just always having the best mental health.

[00:07:30] Like to be able to go deep within myself to really do what’s necessary to. Feel my absolute best mentally and to stay in a joyful energetic state as much as possible. Those are three of the things that are on my vision. There’s more as well, but these are three. So then what I thought about were what habits, support and nurture these three visions.

[00:08:02] What are three? Super simple habits that if I maintained those and sustained those, they would really help me become that person and lock in that identity. So around the clean and tidy house, you know what it was making my bed every day. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t use to do that. I used to think, oh my gosh, if I make my bed, I’m not gonna have time to meditate and workout and do all the things that I wanna do.

[00:08:32] So I would rush outta bed. ’cause usually my husband actually gets up after me. So I would, you know, he would get up or I’d wait till he, let me say that again.

[00:08:51] So my husband would always sleep after, you know, let me say that again.

[00:09:02] So I’d usually be the first one up. And I couldn’t make the bed right out of getting outta bed, so I’d have to wait for Josh. He doesn’t make the bed. I’m not gonna force him to make the bed, you know? And then I would have to come back and do it. So I just, I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t make the bed. I would just kind of manage my mind around it, unmade.

[00:09:21] And when I moved into my new house, I thought. Zen clean, Zen clean. I want it to feel really abundant and spacious, and a part of that is having a clean house. So I decided I’m gonna make the bed every. Single day. And that was a habit that I’m cultivating, and that’s the soft discipline that I’m having around that identity of having a clean house.

[00:09:47] So notice how, I’m not saying I’m cleaning the entire house all the time, but I’m starting with a super simple, small habit that I, I am making it a non-negotiable. That bed is being made every day. It’s being made the same way that I brush my teeth. It’s not something that I negotiate in my head. I do it 100% of the time, and I’ve decided that okay, around working out and feeling fit and getting stronger.

[00:10:17] I used to do a lot of walking and hiking, and I did movement every day because I started soft discipline around daily movement years ago where what I did was I started with 10 minute walks every day. I said, my minimum is at least a 10 minute walk daily. I gotta get out and walk at least 10 minutes a day.

[00:10:37] That was the minimum, that was the standard that I set for myself and. I became that person, right? And anytime you say I am gonna walk for 10 minutes, of course you’re gonna go out for a full on walk. So I became someone who walks a lot. And then I used to do strength training a lot when I had a trainer, but I just wouldn’t do it on my own.

[00:10:57] So ever since my trainer moved away, I really haven’t been consistent with it. I would take classes here and there. I was not even doing it once a week, right? It might have been like two times a month taking a class. So what I have decided is that I want to be fit. I wanna be radiantly healthy. I also feel my best when I’m strength training.

[00:11:22] So I am doing that for times a week minimum. I’m doing it for 30 minutes, so I’m not trying to do it for an hour and a half, but 30 minutes. Four times a week is my new standard, and that is nurturing the identity of the strongest, healthiest, most radiant version of me. Now, the third one that I shared about.

[00:11:47] Is mental health and just having the best mental health and having joy be my most natural energetic state. Now it’s so interesting, right? Because if you want to feel your best, and if you want joy to be your natural, energetic state, or ease to be your natural, energetic state or happiness, or whatever it is, whatever you’re choosing or abundance, you actually have to have some discipline to make that happen.

[00:12:13] So for me, what I decided to do. Is to do morning pages every single day. So my soft discipline that nurtures me having more joy and mental health in my life is doing three morning pages every single day. Now, if you don’t know what Morning Pages is, it’s from the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and I think it’s Julia Cameron, isn’t it?

[00:12:46] Yeah, perfect. Sorry. By Julia Cameron, and it just for me makes all the difference because what it does is it helps to get any anxiety, any mental clutter, any thoughts that are swirling, any worries out of my head, every. Single day. And what Julia says is that it really cultivates more creativity. And I do find that.

[00:13:14] So that is one of the ways that I maintain a healthier state, is I do my morning pages every day. Now there are some caveats, right? Because I always say, you gotta make this. Sustainable. Right? That is key. You do not wanna go from one extreme to the next. Now, for me, I’ve been doing a morning routine for many, many years, probably over 10 years at this point.

[00:13:38] So adding in morning pages wasn’t a big thing, but that’s not what I would start with if I was starting from zero morning routine. You know what my first discipline was way back in the day. One minute in meditation. That was my morning routine. One minute of meditation, right? And so I’ve been able to work up to the point where I have the capacity and I’m able to do three morning pages every single day.

[00:14:01] That’s no problem. I’ve already got a structured morning routine. I’m already used to that, so it’s no big deal. So it’s super important that whatever habits you are choosing and whatever habits you’re choosing to nurture this vision are completely doable and sustainable. Now, also with this, I decide, you know, since it’s.

[00:14:24] Soft. It’s not harsh. It’s not something that I force. So for example, during weeks where it’s, you know, holidays or I have visitors, I’m able to adjust it. I’m probably not gonna go to the gym four times a week. I’m probably not gonna get three pages of morning pages in. Right? But I just know that ahead of time and I give myself some flexibility there.

[00:14:45] But on my normal routine weeks, this. Is my standard, and the way that I like to think about it is the same way I brush my teeth. Like I said, it is my standard. I just don’t negotiate with it. Right? I don’t negotiate. Oh, I, I’m someone who, you know, should I brush my, let me say that again.

[00:15:06] I don’t negotiate with it. I’m not like, oh, you know, I wanna brush my teeth, but maybe not today. Or maybe I’ll just brush ’em once. No, I am someone who brushes my teeth, and that’s exact thoughts that I choose around these new disciplines. I’m someone who makes my bed every day. No negotiating with it. I’m someone who works out for, you know, does those weights four times a week, 30 minutes.

[00:15:29] No negotiating. I’m someone who does my morning pages every morning. No nega negotiating with it. This is my new standard and actually I have a podcast episode on. Raising your standards a couple episodes back, so that’s a good one to listen to as well as this. But I’m telling you, if you have a vision for yourself, it’s so helpful to think about what discipline is going to support and nurture this vision, and how can I make it sustainable?

[00:16:02] How can I make it easy? How can I make it doable? And then I wanna talk about some of the. Mindset hacks that help me stick to it and make it sustainable and make it doable.

[00:16:23] So I already mentioned sar, so I already mentioned starting small. That’s huge. Do not overextend yourself. That is why most people fall away and you might say, well, gosh, in order to create this vision, starting small isn’t gonna get me very far. Like back in the day, whenever I decided to start meditating one minute a day.

[00:16:48] When I woke up, you probably think that’s not gonna get you very far. That’s probably true. It doesn’t get you very far, but it gets you a lot further than not doing it at all, and being consistent is the key. You’re going to get so much further if you meditate one minute a day every single day than if you meditate for an hour once a month.

[00:17:12] It’s gonna make such a difference. So smaller habits more consistently actually build up to greater success and to building out your vision in a way that just doing it kind of like all at once or all or nothing, does not do. Right. Same with how I said, whenever I started my daily movement and I wanted to be someone who works out every single day.

[00:17:37] So I started with a 10 minute walk, like that was the standard. You might say, well, Jamie, like that doesn’t I, I could have told myself, that’s not gonna get me very far. What did, what’s a 10 minute walk gonna do? And that’s true. But a 10 minute walk, every SI single day turns into a 20 minute walk, right?

[00:17:55] And it also develops the habit of getting out. It helps you overcome your own mind. And when you start small, you can overcome your mind a lot easier. And the first step is what makes all the difference, because what I would find is the hardest part to start working out. Was getting myself out the door.

[00:18:17] So if I told myself it only had to be 10 minutes, it was a lot easier than being like, oh, I have to go to the gym or I have to, you know, go for a run, or I have to walk three miles, or I have to walk 10,000 steps. That makes it a lot harder to overcome your mind. But when you say, I just gotta get out there for 10 minutes, ’cause that’s my new standard, you get out there.

[00:18:37] The hardest part is over. Once you’re out there, you’re enjoying it, right? So that’s why it really works to start small. It makes it sustainable, and you will build from there. Same with the meditating. I’d be a minute into my meditation and I’d wanna keep going. So that’s how I started building up a consistent morning routine.

[00:19:00] So I want to invite you to think about how can I make this. So small that I actually do it every single day or every single week, whatever it is, right? How can I make it so small that I actually do it? Just like with keeping my house clean. I’m not saying that I have to clean the entire house inside and out.

[00:19:21] No, I’m just starting the habit of making my bed every day. That’s a small step, but then I feel how good it feels to have clean sheets, to have a nice bed that’s made every day, and it makes me wanna tidy up the rest of the room, right? It gets me in the habit and I build from there. So how can you start really small?

[00:19:41] That’s key. Now, another concept, this one changed my life and I have to thank Jack Canfield. He wrote this in the book book about, um, sorry, I’m like, so in and out. What is it?

[00:20:00] Success principles. That’s it. He wrote this in the book Success Principles, and it is that 100% is easier than 99%. Lemme say that again. 100% is easier than 99%. Now, this has been a mantra for me this year or this past quarter, I would say. As I’ve been building these new habits, I’ve been reminding myself that 100% is easier than 99.

[00:20:34] You know why it doesn’t leave an option for negotiation, meaning I make my bed a hundred percent of the time. I do not let myself not make it. It doesn’t matter how much of a rush I’m in. It doesn’t matter if I am literally running behind. It doesn’t matter. If I need to get out the door, I will throw that bed together because I remind myself 100%, it’s easier than 99%.

[00:20:58] And what’s so wild is that when you commit to a habit and you stick to this a hundred percent principle. You will find that the time finds you like it. It the time expands. It is wild how I used to think, no way could I make the bed every day ’cause then I can’t meditate and then I can’t make my delicious, healthy breakfast and then I can’t go work out and then I can’t get ready and then I can’t do my makeup and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:21:22] Oh my gosh, that is so not true. You will find that the excuses we make are not true when you commit to something, it’s like the universe gives you that extra time when you stay 100%. I also do this with my workout videos because I do half hour strength training workout videos four times a week. And what I used to do, I don’t know if any of you resonate with this, but I.

[00:21:49] Would always do like 75% of it. If I was watching like a YouTube video where it was, you know, going through strength training or a workout class where it was just me in the video, not a class, I would always stop halfway through 75% through. I would never finish it all the way through. And now my new rule is 100% is easier than 99.

[00:22:11] Right. And also I remind myself something that, um, Holly Perkins. A trainer that I have worked with, it was amazing. She always says it is literally that last 1% that creates all the strength. That’s what matters the most. And I found myself doing that in a lot of ways. ’cause you know how it is, how we do one thing is how we do many things.

[00:22:35] So it wasn’t just the workout videos, but it would also be like. Projects that I started, or let’s say cleaning out my closet, I would do 75% of it and then I would leave like 25% or the last 10%, or with dishes, I would do most of them, but I would leave that big pan in there and I decided that is not who I am anymore.

[00:22:55] Because that creates a lot of more, a lot more mental clutter than if you just do the whole. Thing. So I just make a hundred percent my standard now, same with morning pages. In the past when I’ve done it, I would get to, you know, two pages and be like, I’m done. Right. Once in a while that does happen. I’m not gonna lie, just depending on timing, it does take a little bit more time to do three pages, but sometimes I’ll come back to it.

[00:23:19] But I really remind myself 100% is easier than 99. And. It really makes a difference. Um, back whenever I was changing my, uh, diet and really eating for my hormones and for PCOS and insulin resistance when I was cutting back sugar, I used to apply that principle and it really made a difference because at that time I was doing no flour, no sugar, um, except for once a week I would have an exception meal.

[00:23:50] And I used to remind myself it’s actually easier to just like be 100% on this than to negotiate it. And it really, really helped and it really worked. Now, is it easy? Not always. Y’all soft discipline is boring, I’m not gonna lie. It is boring and you actually have to get used to being bored because of boredom.

[00:24:15] It’s how your dreams will come true. After manifesting so many of my wildest dreams, I have to say it was being bored and not looking for dopamine that have has actually helped me create the most amazing things in my life, the most fulfilling things in my life, right? It’s being bored. It’s not fun, right?

[00:24:43] You can make things fun. You can look at how it can be fun, but soft discipline can be boring, right? Making a bed every day is boring. Going and doing the strength training is boring. Getting out there. But then it’s fun once you’re doing it. Um, so. I will say, if you can get better at being bored, you weren’t gonna manifest so much more, you’re also gonna get a lot richer.

[00:25:08] This is a habit. I gotta do a whole new other, another podcast episode on this. I promise I will. But this is actually one of the emotional states that, well people. Are really good at, ’cause another habit that I had started, soft disciplines that I had started a couple years ago was looking at my money weekly, right?

[00:25:28] Having money dates and it’s so not sexy. Like that’s the kind of date, that’s not the sexiest. But I will tell you, it gives you some sexy results, like learning to look at your money. Learning to be intentional with it. Learning how to, um, budget in an aligned way, learning how to invest. It’s sexy because you’ll create amazing things from it, right?

[00:25:54] But the day to day, the week to week, that’s boring. So that’s another concept that has really helped me stay in this soft discipline, is that it doesn’t have to be sexy. It doesn’t have to feel good, it doesn’t have to feel, you know, all flowy and aligned all the time. I just gotta get it done. I just gotta get it done because this is nurturing my vision, right?

[00:26:17] And it is so beyond helpful. I’ll tell you what really, really helps me with this and to stay in, you know, ’cause it’s hard to be bored. What really helps me is connecting that habit that I am cultivating and that discipline. To the identity that I’m stepping into and visualizing that outcome every time I do it.

[00:26:38] So for example, one of the things, like I said, I started making my bed because I wanted it to feel spacious. I want it to feel zen and also that’s how I feel my most abundant. I’m like, I don’t see a lot of like multi multimillionaires with like messy houses and unmade beds. Like, usually you see a pretty gorgeous, vibrant, clean house, right?

[00:27:01] And many multi multimillionaires have housekeepers that come in every day, but I don’t want that. I don’t like people in my space all the time, right? So I just wanna be someone who maintains it myself. So anyways, every time I make that bed, I’m like, I am a wealthy multimillionaire. That’s my mantra. And I connected to it.

[00:27:20] So now it’s so wild because I look. Forward to making the bed because I associate it with my identity of who I am, of who I’m becoming, and how, who I’m becoming more and more of. Right. I am rich. They also say that that’s one of the habits of many millionaires as they make their bed every day. So that really helps me as associating that discipline with the identity that I am becoming.

[00:27:45] That’s who I am. Right. And so that’s why I don’t negotiate because I’m like, this is who I am. Just like brushing my teeth. I’m someone who has really good hygiene. That’s who I am. I am someone who’s a multimillionaire. I’m super wealthy. I have a zen, beautiful clean house, so I make the bed every day. It’s who I am, right?

[00:28:03] I have a super healthy, radiant, vibrant, strong body. So of course I go to the gym. Or I do strength training four times a week. It’s who I am and it feels amazing and I feel so good. And that also is part of my mental health. It’s what helps me to keep that joy state more of my norm. Right. And um. So all of the habits that I have done are connected to an identity.

[00:28:32] I remember whenever I started podcasting every single week, right? Uh, that’s another non-negotiable. You will never see a missed episode from me. I mean, I literally recorded an episode. The week that I was evacuated from the LA fires, like I didn’t even have my normal computer. I was like at my laptop holding a mic crying into the mic.

[00:28:54] ’cause you know, I was sharing the storm, like what am I even gonna share this week? Because it is a non-negotiable am a hundred percent in terms of that commitment. So I just do it no matter what and it’s amazing what happens when you go 100. Scent because it’s like, I think had I said, oh, I can just do it when I feel inspired or all podcasts, you know when some inspiration comes through or I’ll do it, you know it, it’s fine.

[00:29:23] If I miss a week, you know what would happen? I don’t think I’d be as creative. I don’t think the universe would give me so many ideas because since I have decided to be 100% with it, it’s like it forces the inspiration to come through in some weird way. It’s like. I just wanna encourage you to try this 100% principle, right, of like going 100%, going all in and making something your new standard, something a non-negotiable.

[00:29:53] And notice how, for example, when you commit to something creative, like I said, the podcast, how you will always have an idea. It may not feel good, it may not feel like it was a good idea. But an idea will come through and you will record it, and you will do it right. Um, same with, like I said, when I decided to make the bed, all of a sudden I have more time.

[00:30:13] I’m like, why did I ever think I didn’t have time to make a bed? Like, this is so easy. It’s so fast. You will show yourself that it is absolutely doable. It’s amazing what you learn when you commit to 100%. It also becomes a new standard and it becomes easy over time. Right. So it’s not like with soft discipline, you have to stay in the emotion of disciplined forever because it will just become your new norm.

[00:30:42] So it doesn’t even feel like you have to be disciplined at some point, probably like six months in of making it a hundred percent, it just becomes your new norm. So for example, I’ve been podcasting a hundred and what. 30 episodes, something like that. Now, it’s not something I think about. I’m not like, oh, I need the discipline.

[00:31:01] Oh, I need to stay on. Like, oh, a podcast needs to come out for that week. Oh, something needs to be recorded. What do I wanna record? It’s just who I am. So I would say give it like. Six months of true soft discipline and nurturing and probably having to overcome your mind probably being a little bored with it, probably having your mind say things like, well, should we, shouldn’t we?

[00:31:23] And you have to manage that. You have to remember. This is my new standard. We don’t negotiate. 100% is easier than 99. And remember the vision of who you’re becoming because all of those togethers will help you develop a habit and will help you literally just step into that identity and become that person.

[00:31:42] Who does it on autopilot? You don’t even have to think about it anymore, right? So let’s talk about the shift. You want to shift your language when starting a new habit, habit or a new discipline. I wanna encourage you to shift the language from, this is my goal, or this is what I’m shooting for, or this is what I’m trying to do.

[00:32:08] Shift it to This is who I am. We touched on this a little bit earlier, but shift it to this is who I am, this is what I do, it’s what I do, right? It’s like I don’t negotiate it with it anymore. Just like you brush your teeth, just like you eat three meals a day, or maybe some of you eat two meals. I don’t know what you eat.

[00:32:25] I eat three meals a day, right? It’s like I don’t nego. That’s what I do. It’s just who I am. I don’t think about it. Start practicing that. Don’t say things like It’s my goal, or I’m shooting to work out three times a week. No, this is what I do. I don’t negotiate with that if I’m sick. That’s different. Of course, anyone who has that habit, who’s sick, they’re not going to work out.

[00:32:46] But this is just who I am. It’s my new standard, right? So I want to encourage you internally to shift the language to something that just makes you certain that this is what happens, that this is what you do, that it’s not something you negotiate anymore because you have high standards for yourself and you have high standards for your vision, and you’re nurturing that beautiful vision.

[00:33:17] Okay, so I want you to think about this for yourself, especially because as this, you know, is recorded towards the beginning of the year, it’s a beautiful time to think about your visions and what you could actually start this year. We’re in a great time for it. We’re in a great time energetically as we’re moving into the year of the horse, like this energy of this year is gonna support it.

[00:33:41] So I really encourage you to create a couple of soft disciplines and to follow the principles that I shared. And the thing that I can’t stress enough is start small. That is what is gonna help you build into it. Don’t be perfect. Start small. Start small. Make it sustainable and keep it 100%. Listen to that Taylor Swift song.

[00:34:07] Keep it 100 on the Land, the Sea, the whatever, like ingrain that song into your head. It will help. It will help you to remember. 100% is easier than 99%. Alright, my loves. I’m so excited for you. Come share your soft disciplines. What you’re gonna start, you can come connect with me on Instagram. Um, I’m at Jamie Berman underscore, and I know I mentioned a couple of books in this episode.

[00:34:38] So as always, if I ever mention a resource or book, I always put that in the show notes so you can hop on over to the show notes and find any links that I have to, anything that I suggested in any of my episodes. All right, my loves. Happy manifesting. I will see you next week.