When Positive Thinking is NOT Helpful

[00:00:00] Jamie: All right, y’all. Today we are going to talk about When positive thinking isn’t helpful, or when positivity isn’t helpful in your life, in terms of manifesting, in your business, there’s this big misconception that you have to think and vibe positively all of the time, or most of the time, in order to manifest the life of your dreams.

[00:00:29] Jamie: And that is not something that I do. I, as a manifestation teacher and coach, subscribe to. I do not believe that, and I have seen evidence that that is not true, because I have not cracked the code on being positive all the time, and on vibing high all of the time. I am a highly sensitive person who has a Very large mix of emotions.

[00:00:55] Jamie: I feel lots of things, right? And I have times where [00:01:00] I feel lots of heavy emotions and very challenging emotions, and I process them through and I work with them. And I still manifest amazing things into my life and into my business, right? So, You know, there’s a lot of manifestation books out there that I have read that have said things like, you know, Oh, if you have a negative thought just replace it with a positive one or just get into a positive state.

[00:01:25] Jamie: Just choose happiness And this is where I think it’s so important to have self authority whenever you are listening to another teacher, or a coach, or a mentor, or an author, where you check in and say, Hey, does this feel right for me? Does this resonate for me? Right? Because while that may be helpful for someone, that has never been helpful for me.

[00:01:51] Jamie: That is actually only created resistance for me. So whenever I read something like that, I decide it’s not for [00:02:00] me. I decide to believe that is not my way of manifesting. And that’s why it’s really important to kind of get to know yourself, and see what resonates for you, and be willing to take The things that you love that you learn and leave the rest, right?

[00:02:18] Jamie: That’s why the very first podcast episode that I put out was all about self authority and learning to tune into yourself and your own intuition and your own. wisdom to be able to decipher what you want to take and what you want to leave. And so, like I said, one of the things that I have decided to leave behind is this idea that you have to vibe high all the time to manifest.

[00:02:46] Jamie: For me, like I said, it just creates resistance because I am a human being that has lots of different emotions, lots of different waves of emotions. And what I have personally found is [00:03:00] that it is very important for me to be with those emotions sometimes. And not to try to bypass them or think something positive in those moments.

[00:03:11] Jamie: Now don’t get me wrong. I am a fan of thought work and there are times where it is very helpful, right? Or I just noticed myself maybe going somewhere negative or, you know, thinking a thought that’s not helpful and I really recognize myself doing it. I shift into, you know, intentional thinking or I practice intentional thoughts that I want to step into, right?

[00:03:34] Jamie: That’s where I find thought work and positive thinking helpful. I’m not saying let’s throw it out. I’m just saying. It’s all about the right medicine at the right time. So thought work is going to be the right medicine sometimes. And it is for me sometimes and positive thinking is absolutely the right medicine sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it is all the time.

[00:03:59] Jamie: And it [00:04:00] doesn’t mean that you have to be doing that all the time in order to create what it is you want in your life. Right. So here’s what I wanted to kind of dive into today is when is positive thinking maybe not helpful? Where is it that we can give ourselves permission to just be and feel what we’re feeling and think the thoughts that we’re thinking and maybe be in a quote unquote negative state or in a more challenging state?

[00:04:33] Jamie: When do we do that? When is it actually better to be in that state and allow it versus trying to think positive? And side note, before we dive into that, I want to share something that. has absolutely been my experience when it comes to manifestation. And I’ve seen this with so many of the people that I work with.

[00:04:58] Jamie: So a lot of [00:05:00] people think manifestation is about your ability to, you know, feel positive or think positive thoughts more often. Here’s what I think the most powerful manifestors I think there is a place for that. There is a place for intentional thinking and mantras and reprogramming your brain. But I honestly think the people who create the lives that they want and pave the way for something new, create new things, have new experiences, create a lot of impact.

[00:05:35] Jamie: Well, what they’re doing is they’re doing a lot of new things, or they’re willing to pave the way and do something that they’ve never done before, that maybe their family’s never done before. So it’s not just about your ability to think positive thoughts. I think the most powerful manifestors are actually.

[00:05:55] Jamie: Those who can hold it all. [00:06:00] Those who can hold space for those uncomfortable emotions and really learn from them, process them, be with them, not run away from them, not buffer them away. But can be with them. Those are the people who are in the arena. Those are the people doing the work, paving the way for something new.

[00:06:21] Jamie: It’s not going to feel good all of the time. So I think powerful manifestors are those who are willing to experience the highs and experience the lows. They’re willing to fail and they’re willing to learn from those failures and move through it and process the emotions that can come along with it.

[00:06:40] Jamie: They’re willing to be. Disappointed, and they’re willing to process that and still move forward and learn from it. Right? So the most powerful manifestors are the ones who hold it all. And I don’t say hold it all as this like heavy burden, but it’s like willing to [00:07:00] experience it, willing to process it, willing to feel the full spectrum of human emotions, right?

[00:07:08] Jamie: That is what I think. Yeah. works when it comes to manifesting. That’s really the, the way that I think about it. It’s not just let’s vibe high all the time. It’s how can I work with this challenging emotion that’s coming up? Oh my gosh, I’ve never had an experience like this, or here I am back again and I flopped again and this didn’t work out.

[00:07:28] Jamie: It feels like such a failure and I’m so disappointed and I feel humiliated and I’m willing to process that and just say, Keep moving forward, right? One step at a time. That’s how you end up creating is you just don’t give up, right? So that I think is the key to manifesting. And I do want to dive into when I think it is helpful to not give up.

[00:07:52] Jamie: Think positively and let yourself allow the emotions that are there, allow the thoughts that are there, process through what is coming up. [00:08:00] So here’s a couple of examples. Number one, just when you’re really in it. And I think you know what I mean by that. It’s like when you have a lot of emotion there, there’s something you’re just in it.

[00:08:11] Jamie: That’s how I think of it. It’s like, oh, it just feels like there’s so much going on. And a key indicator of when it’s not helpful to think positively is when you go to think a positive thought and it feels like absolute BS. When there’s almost just like more resistance to that, that’s when you know, just don’t go there.

[00:08:32] Jamie: Like let yourself just be in this experience. Feel this experience. I’m going to talk about some of the things that I like to do whenever I’m in a challenging or heavy experience to help me process it and move through it. Um, and you know, end up eventually getting to the other side of it. But when you’re really in it, that’s not the time to think positively.

[00:08:57] Jamie: Also, um,[00:09:00] 

[00:09:02] Jamie: when, also when something really challenging happened in your life, right? If you come up against something that was just a real challenge, maybe it’s in your business. Maybe you have been working towards a goal for a really long time, and maybe you’ve put a lot of energy and intention and, You know, investing into this goal that you have, and it just didn’t work out the way that you thought it would, or in the timeline that you thought it would, and it feels like it’s taking forever, or you feel like you failed at something.

[00:09:38] Jamie: I’ve certainly had, oh my god, I can’t even tell you how many of those I have had. I think I’ve had Way more fails than I have had wins, right? So like, again, manifestation is, it’s really about learning to process that and move through it and not give up, but letting yourself feel it. You don’t have to [00:10:00] think positive in those moments.

[00:10:02] Jamie: Sometimes I like to. Be in those moments and say, well, okay, if I were to tap into my higher wisdom here, is there any kind of guidance there, right? Is there anything that I can see maybe from a new perspective, but that’s not coming from, I need to think positive. I need to have a positive thought about this challenging situation.

[00:10:23] Jamie: It’s more like, sometimes I’ll try to like, Open my perspective and think something like, okay, at the end of this, I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or sometimes I’ll think, you know, sometimes I’ll think something like, Oh, this is guiding me to something else, and I’m going to just trust that, like I lean into trust.

[00:10:42] Jamie: I lean into surrender, but I’m still letting myself feel it. I’m not trying to be positive about a challenging situation, something that’s really, really challenging. Now, if you have access to positive thoughts, and it feels natural and real, and you don’t [00:11:00] feel like you’re suppressing something, by all means, go for it.

[00:11:03] Jamie: But I think the times where it’s not helpful is when you really don’t have access to it. And it feels like a should. It feels like something you should be doing. And you’re kind of being hard on yourself about the fact that maybe you are in a more, I don’t like to call it negative, but a heavier state, a more challenging state, um, a more overwhelmed state.

[00:11:24] Jamie: If you’re having and experiencing, um, you know, I guess we can call them negative emotions. You know, I don’t like to think of them as negative, but I guess that’s how, you know, society thinks of it or that’s how you might identify it, but it’s just those heavier, more challenging emotions. Um, yeah, like it’s, that’s when it is, it’s not helpful to, to force yourself to think something positive.[00:12:00] 

[00:12:03] Jamie: Another time is when you’re like in grief, when you’re, you’re, you’ve lost someone or maybe a relationship breaks up or something happens in your business where you’re experiencing grief or loss. And I mean, you feel it, right? That is not the time to try and force yourself to think positive things.

[00:12:23] Jamie: Thoughts. It is not going to be helpful. And those are just a number of examples, but I’m sure you can think of so much more. But as an overview, the way that I like to think of it is when I’m really in it. Or whenever I’m hormonal, that’s another time. I’m like, I’m not even going to try to think positive when I’m in this.

[00:12:40] Jamie: And it’s helpful to realize like, I’m just hormonal right now. You’re going to have a couple days here of just being in it and knowing that this too shall pass. But for right now, this is where I am. And I’m not even going to try to go there. Right. So, [00:13:00] sorry.

[00:13:12] Jamie: So I want to tell you what. What is helpful during these times? And this is what’s been helpful for me, but I also want you to ask yourself, what is most helpful for you when you are in a challenging emotion, when it feels heavy or it feels big, it feels overwhelming. What is helpful for you? I want you to think about that for yourself, but I’ll tell you one of the things that I find most helpful is acknowledging it.

[00:13:40] Jamie: Not making it wrong, not telling myself I should be positive or I should be vibing high or that oh my gosh My manifestations aren’t gonna come true That kind of stuff is not helpful Instead what I do is acknowledge it and actually tell the truth and say this is what I’m feeling Right and just [00:14:00] acknowledge this is where I am This is what I’m feeling This is what I’m thinking and it’s totally okay.

[00:14:08] Jamie: And I personally find it really helpful to write down what I am feeling to get curious and really get specific on the emotions that are coming up. Not just to say overwhelmed or depressed, right? Which can be like a big overview of like Many emotions that are happening, but I like to really go into my body and go into my being and say what is there?

[00:14:32] Jamie: What am I really feeling right now? And I’ll get really super clear and I’ll just kind of write it down It’s like what is it? Is this humiliation? Embarrassment am I ashamed? Defeated angry do I feel like this is really unfair? Am I fair? Am I frustrated? Right? Just get really curious about all the feelings that are there.

[00:14:55] Jamie: The more detailed and the more specific, the better is what [00:15:00] I find. And sometimes just writing it out and being honest is so helpful. Not that I’m not feeling it anymore, but it’s just like a willingness to feel it. It’s okay that it’s there acknowledging that it’s there and not making it wrong because when we make it wrong, it just Creates more of it what we resist persists and I’ve definitely done that.

[00:15:26] Jamie: I’ve done the making it wrong I’ve done that. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I hate feeling this way. I need to be positive, right? I feel so much better to be positive But whenever I do that, it comes on stronger and then I get anxiety on top of it. So that isn’t helpful so what I have found is that Writing down the emotions.

[00:15:44] Jamie: And then the second piece of it is acknowledging why I’m feeling this way. Saying something like, it makes so much sense that I am feeling humiliated. Because, oh my gosh. This just [00:16:00] flopped. Like, I thought this thing was going to go well, and it flopped, and it was in front of a lot of people, and people are seeing it, and I feel humiliation, right?

[00:16:09] Jamie: So it makes so much sense that I’m feeling humiliated because, right? And get specific on why you’re feeling that way, and really create that context for yourself so that you can gain some understanding and some self compassion, right? Yep, so good. Like I said specific on the emotions and then why you’re feeling that way even write it down Oh, it makes so much sense that i’m feeling this way because X y or z happened or because oh my gosh, I just went through this thing Sometimes for me too.

[00:16:42] Jamie: I remember in the beginning. I wouldn’t even realize why but once I started getting curious I was like, oh, I think it’s because of this Oh, I think this happened and it triggered this and I didn’t even realize it And then when you You can see that you can have compassion for yourself, you can have understanding.

[00:16:59] Jamie: And that is [00:17:00] really what our emotions seek is just love and understanding. My teachers, Ron and Mary Holnick from the University of Santa Monica, they used to always say healing is the application of loving to the places inside that hurt. And I can’t think of a better way to work with those uncomfortable emotions.

[00:17:24] Jamie: than to love on them, to understand them, right? And to acknowledge them is to love them, to understand them is to love them, to have compassion for yourself is to love yourself. And this isn’t always natural. It’s not always what we normally go to and it’s certainly not for me. This is something I’ve had to learn and I have to continuously Continuously practice and remind myself of and it makes all the difference, but it isn’t natural for me [00:18:00] still.

[00:18:00] Jamie: It is still a practice, but I will tell you what the practice of awareness, acknowledgement, loving those places inside that hurt and having compassion for myself and understanding of why I’m going through it, why I feel that way. That is so much power more powerful than saying, I need to think positive thought, or let me try to get into a positive state when I’m feeling wrecked, right?

[00:18:29] Jamie: Or when I’m feeling completely depleted and defeated and in a dark state. All right.

[00:18:41] Jamie: So I wanted to share a couple of other things that are helpful beyond this practice of really naming the emotions and acknowledging why they’re there. Some of the things that I also like to do, I have a therapist that I work with and really processing it through in therapy or in coaching, right? I work with a coach and I work [00:19:00] with a therapist, both extremely, extremely helpful for processing through this stuff and really just having a witness, having someone there to hold space.

[00:19:11] Jamie: Whenever these things are coming up, it is beyond healing and so helpful if you have the right person, right? Um, I also really like tapping. EFT tapping is wonderful. I have this inside of my programs because I think it’s a really great way to acknowledge feelings. Let yourself feel it all the way through.

[00:19:34] Jamie: through and there’s something about tapping, which is tapping on acupressure points that for me really helps me to, um, just come into a more calm state, right? Not that I’m not feeling those emotions, but I’m more grounded as I let them move through me. Also, just getting still, right? I notice if I’m highly emotional, it definitely means it’s [00:20:00] time to rest or it’s time to have a little bit more stillness.

[00:20:03] Jamie: So sometimes that means canceling plans. Sometimes that means like making a little extra time for myself to do nothing right on weekends, not to just jump around and do do do. Um, also not to travel, travel, travel, right? Like I noticed that that is not helpful for me. So I have to create space between my travels and, um, that is very helpful to get myself into stillness and to meditate, to take my mornings and do my journaling, do my walks, all that stuff is so helpful for processing emotions.

[00:20:37] Jamie: I also love exercising. That is extremely helpful for me because it helps me move energy through my body. Um, having support, right? Calling a friend, um, just any kind of support, whether, like I said, coaching therapy, a friend, whatever it is, like just reaching out and having someone support you through it makes all the [00:21:00] difference.

[00:21:00] Jamie: Um, And another thing that I sometimes do, one thing that I said is cancel plans. Sometimes it’s also keeping plans, right? Like with certain things, um, it just depends on what is the right medicine at the right time, right? Because my propensity, if I’m really in it, is to really like Hide away in a cave and just retreat.

[00:21:21] Jamie: And I just want to be on my own, but I can get stuck in my emotions that way. So sometimes it’s helpful to keep my plan, even though I don’t feel like going to lunch with a friend or something like that. But I always notice that if I do it, oftentimes at the end, I feel so much different. So you just have to ask yourself and get, just kind of become aware.

[00:21:41] Jamie: What do I need most right now? What is going to make me feel better? What’s going to make me feel the best at the end of it? What’s going to help to nourish me? What’s going to help move these emotions through me? And I have a couple of reminders also, and this is reminders that I keep for myself that I also [00:22:00] wanted to offer to you all when I’m really in it.

[00:22:04] Jamie: Number one, this is a mantra that I decided to, um, actually, let me say this one more time. Number one, this is a principle that I decided that I was going to commit to when I’m in this space is I don’t make major decisions from this place. When I’m really in it, I do not make major decisions if I don’t have to.

[00:22:35] Jamie: Sometimes you have to, but if I don’t have to, I will say I’m going to wait. To make this decision i’m gonna let it be I will let it percolate. I will let it sit there I will know that hey, maybe a new decision is to be made But I will not make it from this space if I can avoid it. Always helpful, right?

[00:22:55] Jamie: Especially whenever I’m hormonal, I feel like I want to make all the changes and do it, you know, and, and I [00:23:00] remind myself no changes made from this place. We’re going to wait till we’re in a different energy. We’re going to wait till we’re more grounded. I always say I’ll make this decision tomorrow, right?

[00:23:11] Jamie: Or I’ll make this decision whenever I’m feeling differently. So don’t make decisions from this place. That’s been something that’s been very, very helpful. That way I can’t even like, it just gives me permission to not even like think about it or ruminate over the idea of making a decision. I always just, I’m going to put that off until later.

[00:23:30] Jamie: And it allows me to not think about it much, which is also very helpful. Number two, I wanted to remind you, you don’t have to feel positive all of the time in order to manifest. You don’t, right? And I know this firsthand because I don’t feel positive all the time and I manifest all kinds of amazing things in my life.

[00:23:54] Jamie: I don’t think that’s what it takes to manifest at all, right? I [00:24:00] think that my future self, the me that whatever, you know, I manifested, let’s say Um, living in a new home that I’m envisioning, um, in a, a beautiful place in nature overlooking the ocean. I have this vision, and I know that that version of me is not going to be positive all the time.

[00:24:18] Jamie: So, in order to be my future self, and in order to be an energetic match to that, I don’t have to be positive all the time now in order to manifest it, right? Like, I get to be me. I get to be a human and create amazing things. If you think about it, anyone who has anything extraordinary, is a human being who feels all the emotions who has a 50 50 life experience, a combination of positive and negative and highs and lows and opportunities and, you know, challenges, right?

[00:24:48] Jamie: We’re mixed and that is so true. That’s the human experience. So don’t think that you have to stop having a human experience to create. Cause I just don’t believe it. Like I said, another thing that I [00:25:00] learned from Mike Dooley that I loved, and I grabbed that thought and talk about self authority, right? I think about whenever I’m reading something, I’m like, Ooh, I want to take this.

[00:25:10] Jamie: This sounds good. I love this concept. It feels true to me. He says your positive thoughts are 10, 000 times more powerful than than your negative ones, right? And if you don’t like to use like positive and negative, it’s like your higher vibrational thoughts are 10, 000 times more, more powerful than your heavy ones, right?

[00:25:34] Jamie: So that’s why I always think if I’m having a human experience and I’m having a tough day, a tough week, a tough month, a tough season, all I have to do an intention because my intention is more powerful than all of this. primitive brain activity, all of this human experience. So that really is how I think of it.

[00:25:59] Jamie: And that’s [00:26:00] why I always say get crystal clear on what you want, because once you decide it and you just keep going for it, it doesn’t matter if you were having, you know, a high day or a low day, as long as you keep going, you can create it. All right.

[00:26:18] Jamie: Number three reminder, or actually wait,

[00:26:24] Jamie: Another one of my reminders that I always keep in the back of my mind is that it is normal to feel a mix of human emotions. Like, we are supposed to feel the full spectrum of human emotions. We are not supposed to just feel happy. We’re not just supposed to feel elated. As humans, we’re supposed to feel that mix.

[00:26:47] Jamie: And if you think about it, my husband is a piano player. And I think, imagine if he could only play one note, imagine if he could only play the high notes, right? The four high notes. And that was all he could play. [00:27:00] Would his pieces be as impactful and as moving and as emotional and as rich as having that full spectrum of the full piano, all of the notes.

[00:27:11] Jamie: No, not at all. And it’s the same with the human experience. If we didn’t have this huge variety of emotions, we wouldn’t have the full human experience, right? So we’re not supposed to just be one note. We’re not supposed to just be one emotion, right? And that is the beauty of being a human. So that’s something that I remind myself is that this is part of it.

[00:27:37] Jamie: Is it always easy? No, it’s certainly not, but it’s all part of it. The another reminder that I always keep in the back of my mind is that all emotions move. Always. Emotion is also, you can think of it as energy in motion. It is And while [00:28:00] sometimes we can feel stuck, we are never stuck. Think about it. Is there ever a time that your emotion has not eventually moved?

[00:28:11] Jamie: No, because nothing is permanent. Absolutely nothing. Nothing, no storm is permanent. Right? Sunny days are not permanent. Just like our emotions are not permanent. So that is something that I really remind myself because I know when we’re really in it, it can feel like, Oh my gosh, this is going to be here forever.

[00:28:33] Jamie: Or it has been here forever, but it’s just such an important reminder to remind yourself that nothing is permanent. Emotions always 100 percent of the time. End up moving and it’s also helpful for me to remember that and remember that oftentimes they actually move faster than we think Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I have a completely different mood than I do by the end of the day Sometimes I feel so much better by the end of the [00:29:00] day, right?

[00:29:00] Jamie: So a lot of times I’ll even tell myself like I’m probably gonna feel better this evening or I know I’ll feel better tomorrow Right. So that kind of stuff is important And the last reminder that I like to remember is that our emotions have wisdom inside of them and contrast is necessary. So when we are in a heavier emotion or in something that we don’t want, oftentimes that is leading us.

[00:29:34] Jamie: There is wisdom in there that guides us to What we do want or something even better than we had imagined, right? And that’s the pendulum. So sometimes we go all the way on one side of the pendulum because it’s going to help knock us back to the other side, right? And it’s going to help us. Realize what it is.

[00:29:53] Jamie: We do want there’s going to be wisdom in there. There’s going to be guidance in there So if you’re not in resistance of your [00:30:00] emotions And if you’re not trying to be positive all of the time you can learn from them You can say what is the wisdom here? What is this trying to teach me? Where is this trying to lead me?

[00:30:09] Jamie: What can I learn from this right? And there’s so much richness in that So I hope this was helpful for you. And if you’re in it right now, I just want to say, I see you. I acknowledge you. I feel you. I also have been going through a season of just a lot of new challenges that have come up new and old, right?

[00:30:34] Jamie: It just, it felt like a big. storm of things. And it was things within my business, within my team, within my health, within my, um, good friends and family members and their health. It was just like, I felt like I was getting knocked around. And so that is what inspired this episode because I’ve really been just processing, you know, what’s been coming up and learning from it.

[00:30:59] Jamie: [00:31:00] And. Really practicing allowing it. And I think that is the key to manifesting. So I would love to hear if this is helpful for you. Also, this is an episode that I think might be helpful for you to save and come back to if you are in one of those states where you just feel like you’re in it. You can re listen to these and take those reminders that I went through, um, and hopefully this will be helpful and healing for you.