The river of misery is what we go through when we decide to up-level our lives.
When we decide to lose weight. When we decide to stop overdrinking. When we decide we want to take our business to the next level, to stop buffering, to get married, have children, or start a meditation practice…whatever it is that’s “up-leveling” for you, well you’re probably going to have to swim through the river of misery for a certain amount of time in order to get there.
So many of us want to avoid the river of misery. We feel more comfortable sitting in the pond, even though the pond is muck….we’re used to it, so it somehow feels easier than jumping into the rushing river.
But it’s not. Staying in the same place with the same problems…that’s misery too. It’s just small doses of consistent misery.
If we want to get from the mucky pond to the ocean, there’s no choice but to take the rushing river!
So what the heck is the “river of misery?”
It’s the discomfort we experience from change.
I’ll give you an example….
I remember when I got Milly, my Maltipoo about a year and a half ago….
I FOR SURE went through the river of misery…
- The first week she cried throughout the entire night, like high pitched squealing cries.
- Because of this, I didn’t sleep for about a week straight.
- She wouldn’t eat. I bought about. 5 different bags of dog food to find something she liked, and she just straight up wouldn’t eat.
- Then, three days after I got her, she started poo-ing blood. I rushed her to the vet, having to cancel meetings, and pay the vet hundreds of dollars for tests and medications to kill a parasite.
- She went to the bathroom ALL OVER the place.
- When I took her outside to go potty, she would NOT come in. She thought it was a game and would run around like crazy. Some mornings it would take me 20 minutes to get her back in the house.
- She cried, she bit, and she needed a LOT of attention.
I remember calling my mom on a few occasions, asking her if she wanted a second dog. I had mornings where I was just DONE!
That’s the river of misery.
And now that I’m on the other side, I can laugh!
Now, having Milly is one of my favorite things about my life. She is the cutest, silliest, most loving little dogs you’ll ever meet. I’m obsessed with her. I can’t even imagine life without her. Going through the river of misery was SOOO worth it!
And the same thing goes with changes you’re making in your life, especially the ones that feel SO HARD to overcome.
In order to lose weight and keep it off for the rest of your life, you’re going to have to take a swim through that same river. And this is why so many of us give up. We’re not willing to keep swimming when things get hard.
When we stop buffering with food, we’re leaping into the river. Here’s what it might look like:
- Experiencing the withdrawal symptoms when going off of sugar.
- The self-doubt that creeps in on a daily basis, especially in the beginning.
- It’s the fear you feel, afraid that you’re going to fail.
- It’s the urges that come up at night when you stop having chocolate or drinking wine.
- It’s the intense emotion that you’ve never felt because you’ve always used food to “take the edge off.”
- The resistance you feel to loving and accepting your body now, afraid if you do, you’ll just let yourself go.
- It’s saying no to the unplanned dessert, even when all of your friends are enjoying it.
- It’s learning how to enjoy vacations without overeating.
You’ll feel wobbly, like a baby learning to walk. You’ll fall down…probably a lot in the beginning. You’ll learn to feel emotions you never felt.
And let me tell you what’s at the other end of that river….
FREEDOM!
It’s feeling healthy and vibrant. It’s not caring about food, not having the desire for dessert or wine. It’s WANTING to eat nourishing foods. It’s having the confidence that you can feel any emotion. It’s feeling AMAZING in your body. It’s having the proof that you can keep commitments to yourself. It’s creating a life filled with pleasure because food is no longer that. It’s being able to run around with your kids and have the energy to play with them.
This is why going through the river of misery is so worth it.
And the river of misery is the reason we have support- whether it’s a coach, a therapist, a support group, a best friend who gets it. We need people to lean on while we’re swimming through the river. It can make or break your experience.
I think it’s also helpful to know that going through this is TOTALLY normal. I see it as growing pains.
So cysters, if you’re in the river, know that I’m rooting for you and I think you are INCREDIBLY courageous!!
Keep swimming!
In health & happiness,
Jamie
