How to Pick the Right Coach or Mentor for You!

Jamie: [00:00:00] Hey Manifestor, oh my goodness, it has been such a season over here at Jamie Berman Coaching. Such a fun season, such an action packed season, I mean really action packed, but also freaking incredible. We have had in January alone, we had our in person retreat, our New Year’s manifestation retreat, which was so magical.

I can’t even begin to describe it. It was really an incredible experience and something that I am wholeheartedly in love with and know for sure that I will be offering again this year. It wasn’t in the plans, but I mean, we loved it so much. I loved it so much. Um, it was so transformative. It’s transformational for the participants that I just can’t not do it again.

So we already have plans in the works for another retreat this year. So stay tuned on [00:01:00] that. We also had a big launch, which hopefully a lot of you were able to come to my live event or listen to some of the bonus podcast episodes. because it was amazing. It was so good and really it was one of the biggest launches we’ve ever had and I’m so excited to be welcoming so many new clients into the money manifestation movement who are really about to have Let me just say a big, big, big transformation, right?

Um, I love, love, love, love, love inviting new, let me say that one more time. I love, love, love welcoming new people into my group because I just know what’s in store for them, right? I’m like, Oh my gosh, just wait, like one year from now you are going to be in a completely different place and I’m so freaking excited and I’m [00:02:00] so here for it.

Anyways, I’m super excited about that and um, yeah. So anyways, that’s what we’ve been up to over here. And I feel like I’m gonna take the whole month of February to chill and have some space and hopefully take a little vacation. Um, and I’m actually doing my own retreat. I’m going to be a participant at a retreat.

So I’m super excited for that. So it is always that balance of yin and yang of the, uh, little, you know, mini pushes, the sprints. followed by rest and relaxation and some yin time. So I’m getting very excited for that. Anyways, on today’s episode, what I really wanted to talk about is how to find the best mentor or coach for you, how to find the right person, right?

I think this is something that’s [00:03:00] really, really helpful to reflect on. And it’s something that as I’m sharing, because I’m going to be sharing how I kind of do that evaluation, how based upon basically the people that I have hired in the past and who’s been the best matches for me, the people that I’m so glad that I ended up working with, I kind of looked back and I thought, what are the themes there?

What is it that that Has in common in terms of how I hired them, what it was that I was looking for, and then I’m also evaluating like the things that weren’t aligned, because believe me, I have invested in a number of things that were not energetic matches that were not aligned that I. didn’t really feel great about, or I didn’t get a whole lot out of, or honestly, that I just didn’t even show up for because I didn’t like being in the energy of it.

And so there’s been a number of things there where I’m like, that wasn’t quite a match, right? That wasn’t quite the right coach or mentor for me. And I’m looking at [00:04:00] the difference between the two and, um, how to kind of feel into if they’re the right person for you or if the right person for me. So I’m going to go through that little evaluation and what I personally look for in a coach or mentor or even person that I hire in my business, right?

What do I go through? Um, and in fact, I have support is really my word of the year. My word is support. And so I am receiving a lot of support this year. I’m investing in a lot of support this year. Because I really think support is the thing that’s going to take me to the next level. Support takes all of us to the next level.

So I’ve been hiring that both in terms of people that are, you know, I’m working with in my business. Mental support, emotional support, spiritual support. I’m just doing all of it this year. And I am going to have a quantum leap year as an effect of it. I 100 percent wholeheartedly know that. [00:05:00] Okay. So anyways, I was, as I was sharing, this is also a great evaluation way of looking at it in terms of when you’re hiring in your business.

And this is. The guidelines that I’ve been kind of using as I’ve been interviewing people, because I have probably interviewed at least five people in the past month, um, as I’ve been hiring in my business. And so I just want to share this with you in hopes that it’s helpful for you. But again, I want you to think about and evaluate for yourself, the people that you have hired and gotten the best results with.

Or that you feel like have made such a difference in your life. What are the common themes? How did you know that they were in alignment? What was it about that person that made you say yes? And so that you can kind of evaluate and have a little list yourself of like, how do I know if it’s an energetic match or not?

How do I know if this is the coach or mentor [00:06:00] for me or not? And I’m going to give you my list. And it’s actually really simple. This is how I find the best mentors. Number one, obviously I want them to be an expert in the area that I’m looking for support around. Right? It might be something like an expert in terms of they’ve been through it already.

Something that I’m feeling challenged by or want some support with. I hire someone who maybe has already gone through it themselves and gotten to the other. side and they have a process and they can help me go through it much faster than if I try to do it on my own, right? It might also be that that person’s zone of genius, that person’s gifts, what they are excellent at is what I’m wanting support with, right?

It’s like they’re just naturally good at what I want help with. So for example, even [00:07:00] whenever I hired, I recently hired my new COO. Who is awesome. And that’s what I was looking for is whose zone of genius is what I am terrible at and what I really need the most help with in my business, which for me, ADHD brain is backend organization.

It’s just keeping. Stuff like keeping stats, keeping things organized, right? Not having things in like a chaotic mess behind the scenes, right? My way of organizing things is Interesting. And it’s not what I want. So I want somebody who is like super mega, like, and they have that type of brain where they love organized organization.

They love systems, right? That’s what I was looking for. It’s like, Oh yeah, you’re an expert in this. This is what you love. Like you live for this stuff. You live for writing stats into, you know, a, uh, what do you call it? [00:08:00] Sorry. We want to suck.

I’m so tired. Okay, there it is. You live for writing stats into an Excel document, right? Because I’m someone who likes to look at big picture, I’m very visionary, but I’m not someone who’s going to sit there and implement and put those numbers in, right? So I love hiring someone who is gifted at the thing I need support with.

Right? And I know that’s an example of in my business. But whenever I’m thinking of that in terms of a coach, it’s like, Ooh, what is my next growth edge? Where do I want to go? What is my goal? And who is excellent at that? Who is an expert at that? So that’s the first thing I look for, which should be pretty obviously obvious, right?

It’s like expertise. Do they have expertise in what I want help with? Okay, number two. And I honestly think this is equally, if not even more important. This is [00:09:00] the biggest piece. And this has been the thing that I’ve noticed is either make or break if they’re right as a coach. Because everyone that I’ve hired has always had expertise.

Expertise in the area that I want help with, but not everyone’s been the perfect mentor or coach for me. We haven’t always been a perfect match not to like judge them or say that, you know, I, I’m not, let me say that one more time.

Not that they’re not a perfect match for someone else, right? It’s just energetically we weren’t a perfect match. And why is that? The second piece that I look at is their energy. How do I feel in the presence of them? That [00:10:00] matters. And all of my favorite mentors And coaches and teachers are people who I felt wonderful in the presence of, right?

I felt like they got me or I got them. I felt like we were a match. I liked their energy. Even if it was different energy than mine, I liked their energy, right? And the people that looking back were not quite the right mentor or coach for me is someone who they had amazing expertise at this thing, but I didn’t feel good for some reason or another being on calls with them, being in their energy.

It just felt like we weren’t quite a match. I didn’t leave feeling energized, right? And I really noticed this because I actually have, um, if you think of like, I don’t know how many of, you know, human design, but I, I really like human design and I [00:11:00] have a completely open emotional center talking absolutely no channels around it.

It’s completely open, which means that I feel energy. I’m highly sensitive, which is probably why I love coaching and why I can coach really well. But with that means that I really feel energy and so. The coaches are the mentors that haven’t quite been the best match for me are ones that I just don’t feel in alignment.

Right? So oftentimes it’s like I leave the call feeling more tired than I came or I leave the call feeling like, God, I have so much, I’m almost like overwhelmed. Like. There’s so much to do or there’s something wrong with me or you know what I mean? Like I just leave feeling worse than when I came and that is just not a match Because a coach or a mentor or a teacher really What it’s about is, is a transference of energy.

That’s what’s working, right? [00:12:00] That’s actually why coaching is so valuable. It’s a transference of energy. So if you are not feeling the energy of that person, I would highly recommend not hiring them. You want to hire someone that you feel good in the presence of. You feel more let up. You feel inspired.

Maybe you feel motivated. Someone who you like their thoughts, that’s another thing. It’s not just the transference of energy. It’s the transference of beliefs. It’s the transference of thoughts. So notice, what are their thoughts? What are they teaching? Does it feel good to you? Do you leave feeling more energized?

Do you leave feeling more uplifted? Or do you end up leaving feeling kind of deflated? That is a huge, huge piece of the hiring process. And even if logically someone makes so much sense. But it doesn’t feel like their energy is aligned for you, or it just feels challenging, or it doesn’t feel like [00:13:00] it’s a match.

I recommend not working with them, right? And actually, it’s so funny because me and my husband were just talking about this because he had hired someone. He does music and he had hired someone to do, like, work on a little piece of his project, um, and he was saying how the person was so difficult to work with.

He was so rude and just didn’t seem, you know, like, he, he just seemed. I’ll say this one more time.

He seemed rude and dismissive and, you know, my husband was like, it just didn’t feel good. Like exchanging emails with him, everything felt like I had to fight for what I wanted. And then I’m paying the guy and like, it wasn’t great. And he’s like, but in the end, he did a really good job. He’s like, do you think I should hire him again?

I’m like. Heck freaking no, I don’t care how good he is at it. I was like, Josh, the energy that that person is putting into your music [00:14:00] matters. Right. If he’s working on a piece of your music that matters. I was like, do not hire. I was like, we believe in abundance. You know, there’s so many experts out there, but I was like, you know, the value of energy.

Um, and I think it’s so important that we just never work with someone that it doesn’t feel like a match and luckily for both of us, we were talking about it and we’re like, God, for the most part, like we are just so we called it lucky, but really we just like manifested the most amazing people in our lives, the most amazing teammates that really feels like a match.

It feels good to be in the presence of them, right? They feel uplifting and wonderful. And that really makes sense. such a difference in your business and it will make such a difference in terms of someone who you’re working with, right? Whether you’re hiring them as a coach or mentor or hiring them on your team, make sure you like their energy, you like their beliefs, right?

And for me, what really matters in terms of a [00:15:00] coach is that they have to believe in me. I have to feel like they love me and care about me, right? Like that matters so much. And I’m so grateful for the coach of mine that I really spent the most time with and worked with the most often. I’m not, I haven’t like consistently worked with her for X amount of years straight, but I’ve worked on and off with her for years.

And the reason why is because I feel so loved by her. I feel so seen. I feel like she believes in me when I can’t believe in myself or when I’m struggling to believe in myself, she knows how to hold that belief for me in a way that I’m like, okay, I can grab onto your belief. I’m struggling, I’m in doubt, but you know what?

You believe in me. And that transference of energy is everything. And I’m going to shout out to Bev Aaron because I love you, Bev Aaron. The other thing about her that I just loved and that I also took away as a coach, like so much of what I learned from her is what [00:16:00] I now get to use in my business and get to give to my clients is that I can so feel that she rides on the energy of love and abundance.

Right? It’s like, Everything just feels like it’s run from love and abundance in her business and the way that she’s coached me and the way that she’s handled things. It truly feels like love and that matters. It really does. So those are the things that I really look for in a mentor. Like I said, number one, that they have expertise or that they’ve overcome or can help me overcome what it is that I’m working on or the area that I’m trying to expand into.

And then number two is Energy. How do I feel in the presence of them? Am I uplifted? Do they help raise my vibration or not? Because at the end of the day, that’s what’s going to create your success, is your energy. So if you’re having that positive transference [00:17:00] of energy, it’s going to do so much. And your logical brain probably won’t make a lot of sense of that, like it probably won’t exactly understand how that works.

But it works because as we know, we are energetic beings. Everything is energy law of attraction, right? It’s like

law of attraction, like attracts, like, so if somebody can help raise your vibration, that.

So I want you to think about that for yourself, right? Because I know you’ve probably invested in yourself. You’ve probably, um, gone through things that have been highly transformational, whether that’s been programs or working with someone or having a mentor or teacher. And I want you to think about, for you, How you hired those people, what are the common themes, what is it that you feel?

And when you have that sort of [00:18:00] list, like mine is small, right? It’s like expertise and energy. I check in on those two things when I’m about to hire someone. Because sometimes my logical brain can be like, well, I think it’ll be a good idea. Or if they’re really good at marketing. Here’s where you can unintentionally get sucked in, is where you think, Oh no, I’m really bad at this thing, and they have the solution to what I am offering, and even though I feel terrible in their presence, or I got off that call feeling shame, or I got off that call feeling so much worse, I need to hire them to fix myself.

You don’t want to get caught in that trap because it’s probably not going to end up being the best match for you. So, anyways, I hope this was helpful. Um, and, oh, I wanted to say also, last point, this is also why even as a coach myself, and I want to offer this if you’re someone who’s either a coach or, you know, has, provides services, there, that is why.[00:19:00] 

I give so much value ahead of time, right? I have the podcast. I do free events. I show up on social. I want people to be able to check in and see like, Hey, Does this person, like, help me ahead of time? Right? Is this supportive? How do I feel in her presence? I want people to be able to have lots of access to that, to be able to check in and see if I’m the right person before they hire me.

Because the last thing that I want is for someone to hire me who is not an energetic match. No one wants that, right? So if you’re a coach or mentor, think about that for you and think about, that is a huge piece of why it’s so helpful to offer value ahead of time, because it’s going to allow your clients to evaluate that and really feel into your energy.

And it’s going to help you attract. Um, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s way more aligned clients if you have all of that out there. And again, that’s, what’s really fun is thinking also about like, Hey, this [00:20:00] is a way that I can become a better coach, right? It’s like, what do I look for in a mentor? Am I being that?

So number one, do you have expertise in what you are offering? Of course you do. I know you do. Number two, noticing like your energy matters. That’s what attracts people. So. Maybe just maybe prioritizing your energy matters, right? And also another lens that I like to look through, and I was just talking about this with a client, is like, I like to be the person I would want to be coached by.

Bye. I want to feel the way that I’d want to feel in a coaching container. So I think about the things that I’ve loved about my mentors, which as I feel loved, I feel like they care about me. I feel like they have amazing thoughts about this area of my life that I want to expand. Right. And then I think, how can I be that for my clients?

How can I show [00:21:00] up with more love? How can I just. Believe in them so hard which for me is very natural because I really attract people that are just easy to believe in But I try to be the coach that i’d want to have and that also really helps for manifesting clients So I offer that for you to check in Um, especially the next time that you’re thinking about hiring whether that’s in your business whether that’s a teacher whether that’s going into a program hiring a one on one coach Check in with these things and see how you feel.

Alright, I hope this was helpful and I hope to see you very soon.