How to Enjoy Selling

[00:00:00] Jamie: Today we are going to talk about selling and rewriting the story that you tell or that you may tell. About selling especially if it doesn’t serve you So you are going to absolutely love this episode if you are someone who feels like selling is Ick if you hear the word selling or sales and you literally just immediately kind of contract and feel like it’s icky and not something you want to do and it just feels sleazy, keep listening because there is a way I promise that you can rewrite this selling story in a way that serves you and that actually feels aligned for you so that you can sell in a way that just feels natural.

[00:00:52] Jamie: It feels like you and it feels like love. I promise it’s possible because I was one of those people [00:01:00] who used to hate. Selling. I hate it. It’s just the word. It made me cringe, right? And there are so many others like that. And I’ve coached so many of my clients on this. And in fact, I have a couple of people in my mastermind now who decided their sacred Let me say that one more time.

[00:01:18] Jamie: Their sacred business project is going to be to fall in love with selling. How fun is that for a project? And in fact, if you’re someone who doesn’t like selling, I would encourage you to take on that project for yourself because in business selling is just a part of it. But when you’re looking at selling in the wrong way, it’s gonna feel terrible.

[00:01:42] Jamie: You’re not going to want to do it. Let’s rewrite that story so that it feels good and it feels fun. So here’s why most of us feel ick when we even hear the word selling. It’s because we associate it with an, [00:02:00] let me say that one more time. It’s because we associate it with an old, outdated, overly masculine paradigm of what selling is, right?

[00:02:11] Jamie: If we look back in time, what do we think of selling? Like if we learned about selling as a kid, or if we saw it, what was the picture that we had in our mind? Probably used car salesman or right. Some way of doing it that felt like people were being pushy. They were trying to manipulate you, trying to control you, trying to get you to buy something you didn’t want to buy.

[00:02:35] Jamie: So, of course, now, if that’s what you took in, that that’s what selling was, of course, you would feel ick about it now. And of course, you would even hear the word and want to run, right? Because who wants to be that way, right? At our core, we’re all good people. We want to be good. And especially if you’re a soulful entrepreneur.

[00:02:56] Jamie: That’s the last thing you want to do is be manipulative or [00:03:00] controlling or trying to get people in, especially people that aren’t aligned. So that’s why we have this opportunity to rewrite that story and really question what does selling mean? We can ask ourselves, is that what selling is? I guess that is a form of selling, but that is not the approach that we have to take.

[00:03:25] Jamie: All right. And this is actually something that I learned. Um, At a young age, right? So all through my teen years and all through my 20s, I worked retail. And what do you do in retail? You sell. But I always promised myself I was not going to be a salesperson. I was not going to be sleazy. I was not going to try to get people to buy things they didn’t want to get.

[00:03:49] Jamie: I was never going to push anything on anyone. I was just going to show up. I was going to be me. I was going to be, you know, joyful. I was going to smile at the people and I was going to help them out. [00:04:00] Right? So fast forward to, uh, when I worked at Nordstrom, I worked as a makeup artist at the Bobby Brown counter at Nordstrom.

[00:04:10] Jamie: I worked at one in St. Louis, and then I worked at the one at the Grove in St. Louis. Basically in Los Angeles and Hollywood area and um, I one day realized that Let me say that one more time. And one day I was presented with an award. It was a Pacesetter award and I was shocked. I was literally shocked.

[00:04:37] Jamie: I’m like, wait, I am a pacesetter. I am not like those salespeople at all. I don’t push anything. What? I couldn’t believe it because a pacesetter award meant that you were, I think it was in the top 10 percent of sellers in the world. In all of the company, like you had top 10 percent of sales in all of the company and I was shocked because I [00:05:00] really did not associate myself with a salesperson.

[00:05:04] Jamie: I associated myself more with a makeup artist that was just helping people figure out what worked for them and what was going to be the best product for them. So I was literally shocked and that was when I started to realize that oh, maybe the story that I had in my mind about what it takes to sell is not the only way.

[00:05:25] Jamie: And maybe I can do it in a different way. And I have actually proven that I can, because the way that I held it was I really just wanted to help people get What it was they wanted. So if someone came up to me and they said, gosh, I’m struggling with this. Do you have any ideas? What I would do is actually say, Hey, I would recommend this.

[00:05:49] Jamie: I think this is really going to work for you. And then I would actually show them how to use it. I would say, it’s really simple. I would get to know them. I would ask lots of questions. I would say, are you someone who, you know, [00:06:00] tends to really like to wear makeup? Do you like it really simple? What’s the kind of look that you want?

[00:06:04] Jamie: Do you like to feel really natural or do you like it more done up? Would ask tons of questions to really get to know. how they felt most themselves, right? So I would inquire, I would get to know them and then I would just offer ideas and products that would help them. That’s aligned with what it was they really wanted.

[00:06:24] Jamie: And then I would show them how to use it, right? I would actually say, okay, hold up this mirror because I want you to be able to do this when you get home. I don’t want you to get confused and I’m not going to overwhelm you. I’m not going to send you home with too many products. They, you know, if they were like, no, I’m a simple person.

[00:06:39] Jamie: So I had so many repeat customers because I actually helped them, right? I helped them achieve what it was they wanted. And there was no agenda on my end because I didn’t associate myself as a salesperson. I wasn’t really pushing to try to get sales. sales. I really didn’t care about my goals or my numbers.

[00:06:58] Jamie: Don’t tell my boss back then, [00:07:00] but I really didn’t pay any attention to it, you know, and that’s why I was shocked once I was a pacesetter because I just wanted to show up. I wanted to help the people I wanted to do makeup. I wanted to connect and then, you know, make the money and leave, but I ended up being a pacesetter.

[00:07:16] Jamie: Thanks to that approach where I was just truly trying to help. And then I moved on to becoming a regional makeup artist in LA for Bobby Brown, where I, um, would go to all different locations all throughout Southern California. And I was like a traveling makeup artist for Bobby Brown who helped people who sold makeup.

[00:07:39] Jamie: Um, and it was an incredible experience. Experience. Experience. And it was something that I brought with me, especially whenever I started business, because I realized you don’t have to be sleazy. And I was always turned off by this, I, I’m gonna call it sleazy or sleazy salespeople who were like trying to manipulate people, trying to shove too many products at them.

[00:07:58] Jamie: Right? I always [00:08:00] knew those are all gonna get returned because they’re gonna go home and they’re not gonna know how to use any of them. They’re gonna feel overwhelmed and they’re gonna return it, and that will. Is what I saw happening with those people, right? So my intention was let’s get them what they actually want and people who are coming in They want something.

[00:08:17] Jamie: They’re looking for something. They want a solution. And the reason that I say that is because if there are people coming to you, the same is true. They want something. They are looking for a solution. They want to buy. They might not want to buy everything. They might not want to buy the wrong thing for them.

[00:08:37] Jamie: But our job as Salespeople as business owners is to figure out what this person really wants and what they really need and what type of person are they and what is going to work for them to really build that relationship ahead of time so that we know what to offer the person, right? Because they want it.

[00:08:58] Jamie: So I think that’s the first thing to [00:09:00] remember is that the people who are coming to you. You’re not manipulating them. They want what you have to offer, right? Give me a sec.

[00:09:23] Jamie: And also I just think it’s important to remember that selling is not just trying to get. It’s not trying to get people. If I had that thought, I’m trying to get people, I would feel terrible about selling too. And that’s not the perspective that I have. And it’s really not about that because if you’re just trying to get people, you’re probably not even going to get the right people.

[00:09:50] Jamie: And you know, it may end up being misaligned clients or someone who doesn’t need what you have to offer. And it’s not going to be a very. It’s a smooth exchange, [00:10:00] so selling is not about getting people. It’s also not about talking them into something, right? It’s not that at all. If you ask enough questions, you will figure out what they want because again, like I said, if they are coming to you, they want something.

[00:10:19] Jamie: You have to build a relationship. You have to slow down with that person. Remember, you’re not trying to get them. You’re trying to. So if you think of it through that lens, it’s going to open up so much. It’s gonna allow you to open up and actually listen to what they want so that you can see, Is that something that I can offer or do I need to refer them out to something else?

[00:10:43] Jamie: Even whenever I did makeup, a lot of times I would say, you know, this, The slide doesn’t really have that, but let me tell you, Chanel has it, right? Or Mac has that, or I think you’re going to actually like whatever other line, right? Like I would actually refer out or you know what, maybe this is something you want to take up with a [00:11:00] dermatologist, right?

[00:11:00] Jamie: Like I would actually refer it out if it was something that I couldn’t help them with. And it’s the same with coaching. Like if they’re asking for something that I don’t offer, like one on one coaching, I will say, Hey, you know what, Uh, this person comes to mind, or I’ve referred out lots of different programs, coaches for things that I didn’t specifically offer.

[00:11:23] Jamie: I would think about, ooh, who might be able to help them? And I would just really think about how can I help this person in front of me? So I would, I would, Assume that everyone coming in wants something doesn’t mean for sure you are the right person for that But your only job is to get curious and listen to what they really want get to know them and then see If you can offer that and if you can, they’re literally there waiting for you to offer it.

[00:11:51] Jamie: That’s what they want, right? So it’s not just for you, right? A sell, selling [00:12:00] exchange is a mutual benefit. And when you can start to look at it in that way, it’s going to start feeling a heck of a lot better. It is a mutual. Benefit right they benefit because they get what they want if it’s something you have to offer and you benefit because You get the exchange from them.

[00:12:17] Jamie: You get a new client you get money you get whatever the exchange is, right? So it’s a mutual Benefit it’s a win win. That’s what selling is supposed to be So if you start thinking about selling as it’s a win win situation It’s a win win exchange and really all you have to do is get curious about what they want and offer something Whether it’s something you have or not That’s it, right?

[00:12:43] Jamie: And for me, whenever I started approaching it from that way, I felt so much better. And again, I became a pace setter at Nordstrom and then I brought the same mentality into coaching when I was doing, you know, whenever I started, I was doing one on one consults. [00:13:00] Initially I started trying, I didn’t realize like, At first that this was the way to sell that I could just transition the same thought process So at first I tried to follow sales scripts and be perfect about it and work with objections And it really didn’t feel like me and I realized wait I can just bring that same energy that I brought when I was working at nordstrom into this process as well So once you change your relationship With selling in one area, you can use it anywhere, right?

[00:13:28] Jamie: You can bring it into anything that you do because really as entrepreneurs, we’re always selling right? We’re always offering out. We’re offering something that people want Okay

[00:13:43] Jamie: So like I said at the beginning This is an opportunity to rewrite the story of what selling means. And honestly, I tell my clients this a lot. I say, if that word is too triggering for you, if it automatically in your subconscious just makes you [00:14:00] associate it with like used car salesman tactics, Just use a different word.

[00:14:04] Jamie: Don’t even call it selling anymore, right? It’s communication. It’s service. It’s being helpful, right? Use the word that’s going to serve you, right? Or think about it as feminine selling or soulful selling, right? You can think about it in that way of doing it in your own way. Way. All right, but I’m going to call it selling because we’re rewriting the story of what that means and we’re taking its power back Okay, so think of it like this Selling is just helping someone get what they want That’s it.

[00:14:41] Jamie: There’s lots of people that want something that you are offering in your business. And all you’re doing when you’re selling is helping them get what they want, right? Number two,

[00:14:59] Jamie: [00:15:00] marketing is also a portion of selling, right? So if you think of your marketing, marketing is just helping people who want what you have to offer Become aware that you exist, right? So that’s why when you’re marketing, you have to think, where are the type of people who want what I have to offer? Where do I think they are?

[00:15:19] Jamie: How can I let those people know that I exist? How can I let more of them know that I exist? That is all marketing is. So a lot of times I think we associate marketing with this, you know, thing that’s outside of us and that we have to learn and get perfect at and, you know, have our messaging perfectly right.

[00:15:36] Jamie: But really, marketing is just getting in front of those right people, figuring out where are those people that want what I have to offer and how can I get in front of them? More and more and more. That’s all it is.

[00:15:52] Jamie: Now, when you’re in a sales conversation, let’s say a consultation or, um, you know, even as you’re writing a sales [00:16:00] page, what you’re doing is you’re helping the person understand what it is you offer so that they can make a decision. Right? So that’s what selling is. Like if you’re in that conversation or when you’re writing a sales page or writing an email, what you want to do is help that person really understand what it is that you offer so that they can make an informed decision of if it’s what they want or not.

[00:16:30] Jamie: And oftentimes selling is also about helping a person get out of their own way so that they can get what they want, right? So sometimes people have fears around it. They might have objections that come up. They might have habitual thoughts that are holding them back from getting what they want. And I know at least in coaching conversations.

[00:16:51] Jamie: We can really work with a person to see oh, is this something that’s you know, just habitual that’s coming up Is this getting in the [00:17:00] way of you getting what you want and just getting curious and really having a conversation Of like hey, is this something that’s like blocking you from getting what you want?

[00:17:08] Jamie: Or is this just not aligned? So that’s how I kind of like to think about working with quote unquote objections Um, you know and working with it in emails even right whenever i’m writing emails I think about what gets in the way of people getting what they want What is it that gets in the way of them?

[00:17:25] Jamie: Signing up for this thing that I know for sure is going to transform their life forever. I think about that. What is it? What are some of the themes that I see getting in the way? And how can I help them shift that how can I help them see that that’s not a real block, right? That is not actually and factually something that is stopping them And then they can actually have the power to choose once they see it is not for them Factually something that’s stopping them

[00:17:57] Jamie: now. Selling is also talking [00:18:00] about that win win exchange, right? Like I said selling should be a win win exchange It shouldn’t be I get something and they don’t or I get something and it takes something away from them It really is meant to be a win win experience and exchange They get what they want. I get something I want.

[00:18:19] Jamie: So in your marketing, that’s what you want to be talking about. What is that win win exchange? What is it that they’re going to get? What is it that they really want and how are they going to get it? Right? And what is that exchange for them? That’s going to be super, super helpful in the selling process.

[00:18:45] Jamie: Now here’s something I want to mention. If you struggle with the money conversation or if you feel bad charging, or if like, let’s say you’re on a sales conversation and you get tripped up when it comes to how much do you charge or [00:19:00] how much is this or what’s the price or even whenever you’re like thinking about that ahead of time, Oh God, now I’m going to have to talk about my price.

[00:19:08] Jamie: That is not a good thing. That’s not a sales problem, right? That’s not actually a sales block. That’s a money block. That has more to do with your relationship with money than it does your relationship with selling, right? Because we’re always selling. We’re selling free things in exchange for people’s time and a lot of people don’t have a problem with that.

[00:19:27] Jamie: They’re not like, oh my gosh, it’s gonna take you five minutes to read this freebie of mine, right? So you’re willing to give it away. You’re willing to sell it. That is also selling when we’re selling something in exchange for Money, right? That is also a win win. It’s like, okay I’m gonna give you this and you’re going to give me money and if you have a problem with the money piece That’s where you want to look at your relationship with money and do some money work, right?

[00:19:57] Jamie: Because if you feel bad for [00:20:00] charging or for saying your fee,

[00:20:14] Jamie: what you’re essentially saying is that money is this very important thing. You’re probably in a place of scarcity, right? You’re probably thinking, oh no, they’re gonna give me my money, or they’re gonna give me their money and they’re not gonna make it back. Versus money is always flowing. Like when you work on your relationship with money, you see other people’s relationship with money differently.

[00:20:36] Jamie: And you know, even if they are in scarcity, you know that, Oh my gosh, if they pay for this, of course the money’s going to come back to them and they’re going to get what they want because money is always flowing. So when you work on your relationship with money, it’s always It’s so much easier to have those conversations about money.

[00:20:55] Jamie: It’s so much easier to state your fee and just feel totally fine about it [00:21:00] and know that it is a win win, that it isn’t even exchange, right? So if you struggle with that, that’s where I would say, okay, it is really time to look at your relationship with money there because you’re thinking unintentionally, of course, that they’re going to give you their money and they’re not going to get it back.

[00:21:18] Jamie: Right? That’s it. And of course we want to be good people. We’re like, we wouldn’t want to take something that someone’s never going to get back. Right. And I like to think, no, not only are they going to give it right. In exchange for what I’m offering, but they’re also going to get what I’m offering. Plus that money is going to, of course, flow back into their life because money is always coming.

[00:21:39] Jamie: It’s a way to create money. And there’s always a way to create money. So it’s a resource that’s always replenishing itself. So if someone pays me, it’s going to replenish itself. Plus they’re going to get what they want. So it really is not only a win win, but it’s an extra win win on their part. Right? So if that’s been a block for you, I would really encourage you to look at [00:22:00] that, challenge it and open up to a new perspective of abundance.

[00:22:04] Jamie: Because when you start seeing abundance in your own life, You’re going to be able to see it for those that you are working with potential clients, and it’ll be so much easier to have that money conversation. Another thing that I think is interesting to think about is when we feel bad charging, notice that what we’re saying in some way, it’s like we’re holding this old outdated paradigm that like, You like that, that we, we don’t need to fill our own cup that we are only here to give, right.

[00:22:39] Jamie: And now we have to give at our own expense because that’s essentially what you’re saying is I should give this away for free just because I’m good at it. But what you’re not doing is you’re not replenishing your own cup. You’re not giving yourself the opportunity. To fill yourself up and with selling we need an energetic exchange [00:23:00] selling doesn’t work without it So really the best exchange the most aligned exchanges.

[00:23:06] Jamie: Here is what i’m giving you and here’s what you’re giving me It’s okay if it’s an even exchange That is actually what is going to make it flow. That’s what’s going to make the whole thing Work out. That’s how it’s going to make them value it. They’re not going to value it unless there is some kind of exchange because you’re not valuing yourself either, right?

[00:23:28] Jamie: Whenever you’re saying, I’m not worthy of money, I’m not worthy of charging. You’re essentially saying I have to give all that I’ve got and I’ve got to deplete myself. And guess what happens to depleted entrepreneurs? They actually, let me say this one more time.

[00:23:50] Jamie: And guess what happens to depleted entrepreneurs? They can’t survive as entrepreneurs, right? Because if you are depleted, you cannot survive. [00:24:00] Unless you’re a non profit, which is a totally different thing. That’s not being depleted. That’s a different situation, right? But, It’s like you thinking that you have to give everything away for free is essentially saying it’s okay to deplete myself It’s okay to deplete me, but you are not gonna survive as an entrepreneur You simply won’t you need the exchange?

[00:24:25] Jamie: You need to be able to receive money right and it’s only gonna serve your clients So it’s really important that you realize no, this is okay if it’s even You They get something and I get something. I don’t need to deplete myself because guess what? I’m not going to be able to be an entrepreneur anymore.

[00:24:43] Jamie: And when I’m not an entrepreneur, I have no more to give. I can’t give anymore. Right? So we need that cycle happening of giving and receiving and giving and receiving. It has to happen. in order for you to stay in business, [00:25:00] to keep that business going and for it to be sustainable and impactful and for you to be able to help even more people.

[00:25:08] Jamie: So I hope this was a helpful episode. If you are someone who has been triggered by the sales process, just know you’re not alone. And I’ve personally done so much work myself around My mindset went with selling so that I could figure out how can I do this in a way that does feel like love That feels natural that feels like me and i’ve shared a lot of this on this podcast but I want to invite you to explore this for yourself because Selling and the way that we sell it really starts in our mind.

[00:25:42] Jamie: It starts with the way that we think Think and when we’re too attached to selling or think we need it, right? It’s gonna block the whole thing and I see this being a money block for so many people because Maybe they feel comfortable receiving money But they don’t feel comfortable [00:26:00] selling, right? And it will block you from being able to receive money in your business through that channel if you have a block around it So it is time to rewrite that story I would love to hear from you if you want to pop over to my instagram at jamieberman underscore Let me know how this podcast episode was for you.

[00:26:21] Jamie: If you’ve made any shifts, I do love hearing from you. And if you want to leave a review in the show notes, I would absolutely love and appreciate that as well. All right, you all have a great week and it’s time to sell from a super aligned and loving place. It’s totally possible to fall in love with selling.

[00:26:44] Jamie: Who knew?