Are you in the habit of letting one overeat or even a joy eat lead to another and another and another, until you’re in straight self-sabotage mode?
I used to do that all of the time. I’d tell myself I could enjoy a slice of pizza at a party. After eating that one slice, my insulin would skyrocket, my desire would go WAY UP, and I couldn’t resist a second piece. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t stop there. The more I ate, the more my desire went up, so it would lead to eating desserts, drinks, chips….you know all the stuff sitting around parties.
I’d end the night feeling SO disappointed in myself. I believed that I couldn’t control myself around food, which led to me feeling ashamed and frustrated. Not the best combo of emotions when we’re trying to lose weight because they tend to drive more overeating, which is why we call it “spiraling.”
Notice there are two different cycles happening, and ask yourself if this is similar to what happens with you…..
Cycle 1 (starts with eating one “non-fuel” food)
Tell myself I could have one slice of pizza [insert whatever food it is for you.]
↓
Insulin goes up, Dopamine hit (feels good).
↓
Thought: Another slice won’t hurt.
↓
Creates Desire (Craving)
↓
Eat more
↓
Dopamine goes up more (feels good)
↓
Thought: I already ate off-plan, screw it, I’ll just have what I want and start over tomorrow.
↓
Creates Desire
↓
Keep eating & munching until it no longer feels good.
Cycle 2 (after overeating)
Tell a story myself because of “cycle 1”
My story was: OMG why did I do that? I can’t control myself around food. I’m going to gain weight. I’m never going to get this. It’s too hard. I failed.
↓
Feel disappointed, frustrated, ashamed, self-pity
↓
Get hard on myself, start to worry, tell myself I’m going to have to restrict more tomorrow.
↓
Usually overeat more the next day because I’m feeling so bad.
↓
And the cycle continues.
Does this sound familiar?
I think it’s so helpful to break down what’s actually happening so that you can see it’s not just one piece of pizza that leads to a downward spiral. There are many things happening, and steps that lead us to a spiral.
This is a pattern I struggled with for about 20 years, and have completely overcome. I’ve also helped a lot of my clients overcome their own, so I’m going to teach you how!
Each cycle is different.
Cycle 1 is happening because of over-desire from the dopamine (feel good) hit we get from eating. We are eating because it feels good to eat in the moment.
Cycle 2 is happening because of the intense negative emotion we are creating from the story we are telling ourselves (about ourselves.) We are eating to numb the shame, guilt, disappointment, pity.
*The irony is, the more we eat to numb these emotions, the more we tend to create more of them and need to keep eating to numb, so this is what feels like a spiral.
This means that the way to overcome each cycle is different.
Step 1: Awareness.
Identify which cycle you’re in.
- You know you’re in cycle 1 if you’re aware you’re overeating, but it just feels good to, and there’s lots of justifications going on.
- You know you’re in cycle 2 when you’re being hard on yourself and feeling bad about yourself.
Step 2: Stop the cycle in its track!
How to stop if you’re in cycle 1:
Remind yourself that the reason eating feels good is because eating these types of foods releases dopamine in the brain, which feels good in the moment, but will feel terrible later. Be willing to stop yourself when you catch it, and feel the desire without giving into it. It’s nothing we can’t handle. We feel desires that we don’t give in to all of the time, we just haven’t gotten good at it with food yet, so this is our chance to practice.
How to stop if you’re in cycle 2:
The first step is being willing to feel the negative emotion without trying to numb it. You can identify the feeling, and get curious about it. “What does shame feel like in my body?” Also, start to become aware of the story you are telling that’s creating the negative emotion. You can change the story at any point.
For example, if you’re telling yourself you’re a failure because you overate, you can re-write that story. The truth: I overate because the food triggered dopamine, which felt good and I’m learning how to be with desire without giving into it. It’s a new concept to me.
I think the best thing you can do is to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you if you’ve struggled with this. It does not mean you lack willpower or discipline. It just means that your brain is working properly, and up until now, you probably haven’t learned WHY it’s really happening.
No one teaches us this stuff!
It took me 20 years to figure this out, and I had to practice, practice, practice these things I’m teaching you, and over time it got easier and easier, and eventually stopped being a problem.
So I encourage you to work on this, and I promise you can overcome it!
In health & happiness,
Jamie
